Slate's March '07 Newsreel

I love these things. Really takes you back in an entertaining way.

The Ethicist

Never miss a week.

Laugh Lines: Jay Leno and David Letterman

COLUMN: Get in There and Mix It Up

By Tobin Barnes
Holey moley, things are getting contentious in Washington.

People are throwing names around, like “defeatist,” applied to Senate Majority Leader Reid, and “attack dog,” applied to Vice President Cheney. They’re pulling out the stops.

Yeah, it’s getting ugly.

In some ways, that’s regrettable. In others, it’s understandable, maybe even commendable.

Uh huh, you heard me, commendable.

Heck, things SHOULD be contentious when it comes to Iraq. This is serious business. Should we “stay the course” or set a time limit or do something somewhere in between?

Please, someone come up with a policy that works. Fight about it, get a little nasty about it if you have to.

Conflict abroad sometimes necessitates conflict at home, particularly in Congress. That’s what we pay these guys for. Sugar coating is for doughnuts.

Let’s get the issues out there. Time for a rumble.

After all, much is on the line: lives foremost—precious lives. As writer Esmeralda Santiago says, “One person’s story...it’s bigger than you ever imagined.”

We’re losing large numbers of those painstakingly developed “stories.” And then there’s the loss to the people who were dependent upon and intimately involved in those stories—the loved ones left behind.

But all that, though already massive, is hardly all. Consider international respect, long-range effects, global leadership, and, of course, huge amounts of money.

Huge amounts. Should I say it again? Huge amounts.

I shudder to think what those hundreds of billions could have accomplished for health care, stabilization of social security, global warming, education, or energy alternatives, all long-term generational problems that might in actuality dwarf the effects of Iraq.

Particularly energy alternatives. If vigorously pursued since the 1970s when the energy crisis first arose, readily available solutions might have in themselves eliminated those middle eastern priorities we now struggle with. Then we could have left the people living in those countries to their own devices. Or at least have more options.
That was a possibility, if you think about it.

So let’s get after it. Put all the chips on the table. Haggle it out, even when things get a little past heated.

No one wants fist fights in the hallowed halls, but who wants smiley faces pasted on policy robots adept at hiding the truth of the matter. That’s what we got during Vietnam. And that was one heck of a bummer, as they used to say.

Sure, a certain amount of collegiality amongst the Congressmen would be nice, but if it’s at the price of frank discussion about this unholy weeping wound, I’ll take some angry words here and there.

Through the hurly-burly we’ll get to solutions.

That’s the way it works.

That’s the messy beauty of a republic.

Just so long as the debate leads us to the heart of the matter, we’ll dispense, for now, with the back-patting obfuscations we’ve put up with all too long.

Bender Barn on KELO-Land TV

See the video and story about the Bender homestead barn, featuring Ed and Scott Bender. I'm getting updates on all the publicity from cousin Al Bender via his blog Barkplaintraveldog.blogspot.com.

As my prior entry says, the barn is now on the National Trust Register. That story was reported by the Mitchell Daily Republic.

For those who don't know, my mother Bernita is a Bender, one of thirteen children of Phillip and Christina Bender who settled on this farm just north of Fulton, SD, a little town east of Mitchell. The farm is still in the family, now owned by Scott Bender, grandson of Theodore, another of the thirteen.

We cousins all remember playing inside and around that now ninety-year-old barn back when it belonged to another of Phillip and Christina's sons Delbert Bender. I was a town kid who always enjoyed going out to the farms owned by the Benders.

Bark Plain Traveldog: Bender Barn on National Trust Register

The old barn on the original Bender homestead gets recognition. Follow the link to Al Bender's blog to get more details.

Pretty Good Joke

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the
mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"

"Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I
meant my dress size, you dummy!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. (Sent by Joey Larson)

Powered by ScribeFire.

Tiger Woods' New Yacht

Randy Cohen - The Ethicist

I just never get tired of the common sense in this column. Wish there were more of it around.

Laugh Lines: Jay Leno - New York Times

For those who can't stay up that late--like me.

20 Small Ways to Save the Planet

Some of these you've seen before, not only earth savers but money savers. But it's good to refresh your memory--at least once a year. Plus, there's some good new ones. Also, the first tip contains links to get rid of all the junk mail you have to clear out every day. (Found on SmartMoney.com)

Carmel Valley Ranch

As you may know, we recently made a trip to San Francisco with Jeannie's sister Joey and her husband Chuck. One of the days, we drove down to Carmel, the beautiful seaside village not far from Pebble Beach. My cousin Roy Wilson's company, Landscapes Unlimited, builds golf courses all over the country. Roy sent me some pictures (hit the link) of a course, Carmel Valley Ranch, that they recently worked on. Two of the pictures are of Pebble Beach Golf Course taken from Carmel Beach.

VIDEO: John Edwards Feeling Pretty

Okay, John Edwards just lost me. Watch the video and maybe you'll see why. Not only that, but Maureen Dowd, New York Times columnist, says he gets $400 haircuts. And he's supposedly the candidate concerned about poverty in this country. Then there's that 28,000 square-foot house of his. Not necessary for my kind of Democrat, though I'm cheering the couple on in their cancer battle. Call me superficial, but I think I'll look elsewhere for my candidate.

COLUMN: Paying a price for gorgeous

By Tobin Barnes
I’m standing on Muir Beach just north of San Francisco. It’s a beautiful morning, cool but plenty of sunshine—just the way I like it.

The beach is set into a lovely cove surrounded by rocky crags on each side that descend abruptly into the sea. Along the hills of the northern side of the cove, houses are set into the landscape as if nature so intended.

This is what we came to California for—my wife, her sister Joey, her husband Chuck, and me. If it weren’t for Chuck’s cigar, the place would be idyllic. Cigar smoke can be to the ill-informed, like me, a dead thing that hangs in the air and draws attention to itself almost as intently as a streaker.

(As I’ve made plain before, Chuck is sometimes the fly in the ointment, more often the cream in the coffee.)

But nevertheless, as I stand on this beautiful beach, it would be nice to know at this moment what I’d come to know later. If that were the case, we’d stay a little longer at this spot and then from here drive over to Napa or Sonoma for the rest of the day.

Alas, such is life. We DON’T know now what we know later. And as the bard said, there’s the rub.

Having heard and read much about the scenic wonder of northern California’s Highway 1, but otherwise clueless, we had consulted a map. But maps, as you may well know, are deceptive things.

On our little map, Mendocino, our destination, is a mere inch or so away from San Francisco. In planning this happy jaunt, we had wondered what we should do with the rest of the day after nipping off this little pinch of seaside motoring.

Well..., we had thought, we’ll decide that when the time comes.

Our drive down to Muir Beach should have given us a hint as to what the rest of the excursion would be like. It was the carnival ride from hell taken to the extremes of heights and depths. Despite double yellow lines the entire way down, some knucklehead passed us in breath-taking fashion around a hair-pin curve.

Initially, we had thought he was suicidal and had planned some sort of death by scenic pleasure drive. But just a little later, we passed him as he was getting out of his car at one of those nice little hillside houses at Muir Beach. Evidently, to get anywhere in a reasonable amount of time on Highway 1, you had to take hair-raisingly death-defying chances.

Uh huh, the descent to Muir Beach should have given us ample evidence of what we were getting into. But hey, we’re SoDakers. What do we know?

So after our pleasant interlude at the beach there, we forged ahead to Mendocino, advertised as a quaintly Bohemian wide-spot in the road not far up the coast.

We actually got there about six hours later. Of course, a crow could have flown it back and forth several times in those same six hours, but a crow wouldn’t have had to drive the curviest road in America.

I did.

I had to do so many 90-degee turns with that steering wheel it started squeaking in protest. Would have driven me nuts if I hadn’t had to devote my full attention to keeping us on the road.

But don’t get me wrong, the beauty of the drive truly is extraordinary. One curve after another, we’d see yet another amazing landscape of sea, beach, and bluff laid out before us. Such scenes made the torturous winding worth it...almost.

Admittedly, it would have been a better experience had we not had locals magnetized to our rear bumper, even though we were going the posted speed limit on that rollercoaster. In my rearview mirror, I could see one tradesman in a white pickup going into spasms of frustration, honking and throwing his arms up in air, because we weren’t pulling over and letting him pass.

But it was like, pull over where? No shoulders on this road. Turn-outs just every once in a while. Didn’t he know this wasn’t a commercial expressway?

Hey, buddy, this is meant to be a soothing pleasure drive.

Couch Entitlement: Surprise--Men Do Just as Much Work as Women Do

A new study says we've been hauling around the wrong impressions of the workload--men on the couch while women slave away. (Found on Slate.com)

Powered by ScribeFire.

THE ETHICIST: Patient Privilege

Laugh Lines Gathered by the New York Times

COLUMN: Give Him a Triple-Shot Frappuccino

By Tobin Barnes
You’ll be happy to know we had a great time on our trip to San Francisco and environs—my wife, her sister Joey, and her husband Chuck and me. The place is now no better than we found it, nor no worse either, I suspect.

We did, however, leave behind a tidy wad of cash. But so it goes. Arms and legs now seem to be the going rate for well-known travel destinations.

Chuck, my wife’s brother-in-law (but of no particular relationship to me), helped the local Starbucks franchises celebrate better-than-average days. Two of them, each about a block away from our hotel in either direction, quickly attracted his attention. He heavily patronized both, plus others, various and sundry, that we encountered on our way around the area. He’s like a bloodhound in sniffing out even the most obscure of Starbucks locations.

Chuck’s drink of choice is a triple-shot, iced frappuccino with whipped cream on top. It comes in about a foot-tall cup. He puts away several of these a day but would prefer more. The guy can consume caffeine like no one’s business. I’d be wired and sleepless a couple weeks on what he drinks in a day.

Add to that his cigar-smoking habit, and you’ve got an interesting character. But I’ve told you that before. Never a dull moment when Chuck’s around—even when we’re talking about a stretch of four-plus days, as on this trip. He goes down surprisingly easy, supposedly like one of his frappuccinos.

Chuck keeps the conversation going. If not always a dialogue, he can maintain a caffeine-fueled monologue to match the most prolific on-air personalities, Howard Stern and the lately humbled Don Imus not excluded.

When he gets tired of talking to his sometimes benumbed travel companions, he talks to the random unknown passersby. San Francisco is full of them. His unsuspecting targets were plentiful, as opposed to his little hometown of Armour, South Dakota. Yes, these were rich stomping grounds.

I myself couldn’t talk my way out of a paper bag, let alone strike up a conversation with a stranger. The only such likely discussion I can conceive of is if an unknown person came up to me and said, “Is that hundred-dollar bill at your feet yours?” Then I might have some conversational traction.

Not Chuck. As we were out and about, almost every time I turned around, he was talking to someone new.

One time, he was talking to some guy from Denmark whose land is next to a mink ranch. Denmark, believe it or not, is one of the leading producers of mink. Well, as you may know by now, Chuck’s a mink rancher, one of the last ones left in South Dakota. So fancy that. Seems this Danish guy isn’t so much into mink himself, but rather ostriches. Huh.

Another time we’re riding a cable car—five bucks for one ride, eleven for all day. Heck of a buy as far as San Francisco’s concerned, but who’d want to ride a cable car all day long is beyond me. Anyway I turn around and Chuck’s talking to this guy about Chuck’s camera. Turns out this guy’s from France. He’s giving Chuck some tips.

Chuck needs them. His kids gave him that digital camera, but he doesn’t know how to make use of the pictures he takes other than to look at them in the little window on the backside. Doesn’t know how to download them into some more usable form.

So as you can see, there’s always something for Chuck to talk about: Starbucks locations, mink ranching (as well as ostrich ranching now), and digital cameras, just to name a few. And he’ll talk about these things with anybody.

They could use Chuck at the United Nations, and if not there, at least behind the counter of just about any Starbucks that serves foot-tall frappuccinos.

SLIDE SHOW: Vincent Van Gogh

If you like Vincent Van Gogh, and who doesn't, you might find this slide show interesting. Slate.com does a nice job with these sorts of things.

VIDEO: Immigration by the Numbers

Gotta admit, I was a little skeptical about this one--thinking it might be some border vigilante thing--but this Roy Beck guy makes a compelling argument about sky-rocketing immigration--kinda Al Gore-Inconvenient Truth-style with some striking visual aids. And if you like this one, look for the part 2 video as well. (Sent by Tom Aldrich)

Good Quote:

clipped from www.google.com I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.--Ellen DeGeneres

Hercules the Dog?

It's a "fixed" photo but kind of a gas anyway. (Found on Snopes.com)

clipped from www.snopes.com

San Francisco Trip--Photos and Captions

Chuck, Joey, Jeannie and I took a trip to the San Francisco area the first week of April and surprisingly didn't kill each other--matter of fact, we had a great time. Check out the slide show with captions by clicking the linked title or this picture.

VIDEO: Middle-Aged Women Should Just Stay Home

Not that I myself am advocating it, but that's one of the names of this video--a bloopers kind of thing you might get a kick out of. (Sent by Roy Wilson)