Headline Observation: Lobsters

"Shopper arrested with live lobsters in shorts"
It was the third one made employees take notice

Headline Observation: Closet

"Sioux Falls man found hiding in closet arrested"
Evidently, proclaiming your sexuality no longer voluntary

Headline Observation: Clowns

"Clowns help fellow clown who crashed car into pole"
But aren't we all just a bunch of clowns riding in a clown car?