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English: Interstate 5 southbound in Everett, Washington; the northern end of an HOV lane. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Wash. man caught in HOV lane with unbuckled dummy”
Evidently, sharing commute with brother-in-law doesn’t count

The Borowitz Report: SUPREME COURT DEFENDS WEALTHY’S RIGHT TO OWN GOVERNMENT

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—By a five-to-four decision, the United States Supreme Court today defended the right of the wealthiest Americans to own the United States government.

Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts summarized the rationale behind the Court’s decision: “In recent years, this Court has done its level best to remove any barriers preventing the wealthiest in our nation from owning our government outright. And while the few barriers that remained were flimsy at best, it was high time that they be shredded as well.”

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• Humor: The Borowitz Report

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“Clowning around pays off for circus hopefuls”
Doesn’t work so well for prospective mortuary employees

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“Boom or bust, veteran bra maker still holding up”
'This industry immune to economic sags, downturns,' says spokesman

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“Thief battered in fish shop” Looking for bread, breaded instead

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“Honda unveils dog-friendly car”
Featuring bark-activated GPS bone finder and passenger’s side water bowl

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"Skeleton found in tree 29 years after suicide"
Found earlier if people took time to appreciate nature

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“Hard times lead 21 couples to share wedding”
Of course, that means at least 21 drunken uncles all in one place

Headline Observations

“Man hoping to be deported streaks down Fla. street”
Works nearly every time

BOROWITZ REPORT: Topless Putins

SOCHI (The Borowitz Report)—With the Olympics underway, hundreds of visitors to Sochi are complaining that they checked into expensive hotel rooms only to find them decorated with seminude portraits of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The portraits, showing Mr. Putin shirtless and riding a variety of mammals, adorn the walls of virtually every hotel room constructed especially for the Olympics and were created at a cost of over two million dollars, Olympic officials said.