For those who like art and animals, a very good slide show.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
SLATE: Painter George Stubbs and His Animals
For those who like art and animals, a very good slide show.
MOVIES: We've Seen Some Good Ones Lately
The last few weeks Jeannie and I have seen some very good movies: Babel, Letters from Iwo Jima, and Breach.I'd recommend all three, but my highest ranking goes to Babel, in which seemingly unrelated action in three diverse locations around the world--Japan, Morocco, and San Diego--end up being interrelated. Languages and cultures clash but commonalities arise in the confusion. Some aren't going to care for it, but I think it's deservedly an Academy Award-nominated movie.
And so is Letters from Iwo Jima, the story about that fierce battle from the Japanese point of view. Together with Flags of Our Fathers, this Clint Eastwood matching set may be the masterpiece of war movies. Who would have guessed that Rowdy Yates and Dirty Harry could come up with top-shelf stuff like this.
Breach isn't quite in the league with the other two, but it's pretty riveting as well. Based on the true story of convicted spy Robert Hanssen, the viewer knows from the outset what's going to happen and how it happens, but you stay glued to the story anyway. Hanson's weird perverseness, as played by Chris Cooper is mesmerizing.Don't miss any of these movies.
VIDEO: This Horse Is Hot to Trot
He could have won but they fooled him. (Sent in by Al Bender.)
YouTube - tour de france criterium cheval cyclism
YouTube - tour de france criterium cheval cyclism
COLUMN: I Tell You the World's Gone Mad
By Tobin Barnes
“The times they are a-changin’,” as Bob Dylan noted. And no more than today. Sometimes a person doesn’t know what’s what. The other night, I was reading these news headlines from AP and Reuters when I happened to nod off and had the following sub-headlines nightmare:
“N.C. Jail Guard Claims $74.5M Lottery”
Inmates find it difficult to share his glee
“Global Vote Will Pick World's 'New' Seven Wonders"
Early favorite: How can bin Laden still be alive?
“Woman Allegedly Stabs Man During Sex”
Performance pressure ratchets up a notch
“Nude Jogger to Miss ‘Liberating Feeling’”
Bystanders not nearly as nostalgic
“Mummified Body Found in Front of Blaring TV”
Died 14 years ago but never missed a Super Bowl
“Math Anxiety Saps Working Memory Needed to Do Math”
Initiates new chicken/egg dilemma: What comes first? The anxiety or the wrong answer
“Eek!: Men Flee After Seeing 'Giant Rat'”
Another rush to rehab: This time for ‘Girlie-Man Syndrome’
“Village Sells Street Names to Raise Cash”
Plan backfires when locals realize they live at corner of Trump, Trump, Trump and Trump
“Man Aged 107 Forsakes Sex for Longevity”
Says it was fun while it lasted, but thinks late nights taking toll
“Paraguay Swallows Tall Tale of Husband-Eating Boa”
However, some wives suspected it was too good to be true
“Why It’s Gross to Kiss Your Sister”
She looks too much like you
“Free Coffee Offered for Info on Gunman”
And a jelly doughnut if you’re willing to testify
“N.M. Orders 500 Talking Urinal Cakes”
Hopes to convince drunks they’re really big drunks
“Tiny Duckling Has Rare Mutation: 4 Legs”
Oddity may cause it to quack up
“Fortune: Year of Pig Will Bring Disaster”
In Iraq, years of camel, goat, and sheep not so hot either
“Man Grabs Shark With Hands; Blames Vodka”
Vows to avoid meeting lawyer friend at happy hour
“Pa. Man Uses Robot to Plow His Driveway”
Admits big snows are hell on batteries
“Thinking Outside the Box with Crazy Coffins”
‘We’d like to bring a smile to normally drab ceremonies,’ says company spokesman
“Men-Free Tourism Island Planned"
Problem: Women can’t afford to stay forever
“Fighting Surgeons Leave Patient in the Lurch”
Who gets to bill for what sparks scalpel-wielding fracas
“Angry Tourists Break Mugger's Neck"
Whole thing started when he got in way of picture
Saturday, February 24, 2007
What Nurses Wear and How They Feel About Everything Else
As you will see by the original story, this whole thing started with "holey" Crocs being banned by hospital administration, but it's gone far beyond that. The Rapid City Journal has this online feature called "Rapid Reply" allowing readers to anonymously post responses to its stories. Scroll down to the comment section to find out how the nurses really feel about things. It's become a monster.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
COLUMN: People Can Get a Bird's-Eye View of You
By Tobin Barnes
Ever heard of Zillow.com?
If not already, before long, they will have heard of you.
According to the Wall Street Journal, nine-year-olds are using this Internet site to check out the property values of not only their own family’s home, but their little friends’ homes as well. See whose family is really making the big bucks, or at any rate, pretending to.
That’s right, if you’ve got a person’s address, Zillow can “virtually” invite you into their home, in a manner of speaking. And that’s whether the house is for sale or not.
Zillow can give searchers an estimate of what a house is worth, the number of bedrooms and bathrooms, the square footage, the lot size, the taxes, construction date, and a fairly close-up satellite view of what it looks like from space.
Don’t worry, people won’t be able to look into your windows, but they will get a pretty good idea of what your neighborhood’s like.
In its data base, Zillow has 67,000,000 homes and counting. As of yet, that doesn’t include homes in my town of Spearfish, SD. Yeah, the Land of Infinite Variety is getting dissed again. There’s evidently bigger fish to fry out there in the real estate world, but surely we’ll also be documented before long. Someone might be entering the figures as I write.
Sound a little creepy, knowing that other people can know so much about you and your castle?
You darned betcha, as we say here in SoDak.
But it’s a wired world now, and you’re part of the circuit, whether you like it or not.
Of course, there are perfectly fine and legitimate uses of this type of information, particularly if you’re looking to buy a home or trying to price yours in relation to other properties in your neighborhood. Then Zillow can be a valuable tool. Use it to find out whose house is way over-priced and/or how over-priced your house should be.
It can also be a treasure trove for snoops like those nine-year-olds. And I have to admit succumbing to the temptation myself.
Not long ago, for entertainment while visiting relatives, we got onto Zillow, entered some addresses and checked out some property values, wondering who was blowing smoke and who had the goods.
Just good clean fun in a sense, yet in a sense, it was snooping nonetheless.
But, you see, the Internet made us do it.
Admit it. How much of your time on the Internet is spent doing similar things? Snooping, that is. As columnist Stacy Schiff writes, “We are no longer reading. We’re searching.”
And searching for precisely what? Not so much knowledge, but more likely information. They are not necessarily the same. Oftentimes, we’re after salty bits of nothing. And it’s addictive.
Schiff also writes about a web site called fundrace.com, where a curious person might go to find out who has given what to which political party. She said she used it to decide who in her building she’d hold the elevator for.
Uh huh, our lives have become an open book for anyone who wants to turn the pages. Problem is, the searchers are probably skipping the boring explanatory material and going straight for the “good parts.”
As Schiff says, “Privacy may be a luxury, but it’s one I’ve sacrificed to order groceries from bed.”
Uh huh, we get something and we lose something.
And if you think you’re above all this, be sure to stay away from Zillow.com.
I dare you.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
MOVIES: Children of Men
As everybody says, this near-futuristic pot-boiler leaves a lot of questions on the table, but it's intriguing, nonetheless. Takes you to a world not far off from today's. (Click the link to get professional reviews and a synopsis from my favorite movie site.)
Children of Men
MOVIES: Pan's Labyrinth
Don't let the subtitles stop you from seeing this one. Excellent blend of reality and fantasy lived by a girl in Franco's Spain during World War II. (Click the title to get to professional reviews and a synopsis from my favorite movie review site.)
Pan's Labyrinth
Five Bar Tricks
Not much of a bar fly myself, but these are interesting tricks.
Top 5 ways to hustle free drinks | Wise Bread
Top 5 ways to hustle free drinks | Wise Bread
Modern Newsreel
Slate has an interesting update of the old movie-style newsreels. This one's for January.
Newsreel: January '07. - By Andy Bowers - Slate Magazine
Newsreel: January '07. - By Andy Bowers - Slate Magazine
Sunday, February 11, 2007
"Imagine" and Great Photos
If you have Power Point installed, scroll down on this site to "NationalGeoPhotos2006" for a real treat. (1st of many great suggestions this week from Roy Wilson)
National Geographic Photos 2006 - Desert Dreams - by Fatimah
National Geographic Photos 2006 - Desert Dreams - by Fatimah
COLUMN: If She Might, How About Me?
By Tobin Barnes
We don’t know all the facts, yet, do we?
Heck, we don’t even know whether most or only part of the story is true. I hope it isn’t.
But even if the whole thing turns out to be hokum, that wigged-out woman astronaut story is scary.
First details I heard came from the lead-off story on the CBS Nightly News. Normally, I hate that kind of human interest prominence.
You know, the world’s going to hell in a hand basket, and the national news outlets start their broadcasts with a low-level story involving some kind of isolated novelty. Drives me nuts that something like that might be the center of the nation’s interest when other things are coming apart at the seams, not the least of which are the lives and billions ground up on the millstone of Iraq.
But the wild astronaut thing wasn’t one of those human angst-story revelations that irritate me. This angst story had significance--mostly because it gives me, and maybe you, the heebie-jeebies.
Makes you think, “If her, and if true, who’s next?”
Being a Baby Boomer, I fed on the storied lore of the intrepid astronauts. As Tom Wolfe wrote, they alone, amongst all the masses of humanity, had the “right stuff.”
Steely-eyed pilot/intellectuals, they could take on any dangerous challenge and nonchalantly crack jokes while, earth-bound, we sat glued to our televisions, vicariously white-knuckling it in our easy chairs.
Whenever a deadly threat arose, they’d coolly respond with something like, “Houston, we have a problem.” Anybody else would have been freaking. But not these hand-picked, intensely educated, heavily trained athletes of outer space. Oh no.
So what do we make of this incredible story: 1985 Naval Academy graduate and current astronaut, not to mention married mother of three, who last summer completed a 13-day mission in the space shuttle, dons diapers and drives 900 miles to confront Captain Colleen Shipman, her perceived rival for the affections of another astronaut.
According to the New York Times, “Captain Nowak was in disguise at the time, wearing a wig. She had with her a compressed air pistol, a steel mallet, a knife, pepper spray, four feet of rubber tubing, latex gloves and garbage bags.”
According to the police report, the compressed air pistol she carried “was going to be used to entice Ms. Shipman to talk with her.” (Unusual use of the word “entice.”)
Yeah, weird, but most of all, how about that element straight out of bizzaro world? Diapers, for crying out loud! Was that a sharply brilliant criminal mind at work—no fingerprints on gas station restroom doors, beat any time frame the cops could imagine—or just a wacko interpretation of her brand of looney tunes?
So what about all the stress testing astronauts go through, all the demands already met and conquered in an gruelingly intense, highly specialized profession.
And then after all that, she suddenly cracks over the possibility of losing the affections of a man with whom she’d reportedly been making eyes at, but little more?
Huh. Guess it can happen to anyone.
If heroic astronauts can come to this, makes you wonder what Mother Teresa was contemplating in her less charitable moments. Makes you wonder what George Bush might do when he finally sees one editorial cartoon too many. Maybe mountain bike over to Nancy Pelosi’s house and pull up her petunias?
And ultimately, if them, how about me?
Yes, there’s the real importance of this deservedly headlining, but yet to be proven, eerie story.
It scares me. If esteemed astronaut Nowak, what am I capable of?
Please, oh please...let it be anything but the diapers.
Word Lovers Picnic
This website reports reader word competitions run by The Washington Post. Interesting and inventive results. (Sent in by Al Bender)
gamma ways: Easy to see
gamma ways: Easy to see
Unauthorized Dam
(Sent in by Roy Wilson)
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Ly-coming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
(Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:)
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their
dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then: and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Ly-coming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
(Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:)
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their
dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then: and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
JOKE: What are you in for?
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid replies, "Whoa, good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
(Sent in by Roy Wilson)
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid replies, "Whoa, good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
(Sent in by Roy Wilson)
VIDEO: Child Prodigy
For those with a religious bent and for those without. Pretty amazing either way. (Sent in by Roy Wilson)
video.ws.asx (video/x-ms-asf Object)
video.ws.asx (video/x-ms-asf Object)
VIDEO: Mountain Diving
This is crazy, especially across the rocks. (Sent in by Roy Wilson)
YouTube - Ultimate Journey - Sky Diving Down a Mountain
YouTube - Ultimate Journey - Sky Diving Down a Mountain
Sunday, February 4, 2007
BOOKS: La Bella Figura
Here's a book that answers a question on many people’s minds: What’s up with those kooky Italians? It’s called La Bella Figura by Beppe Severgnini. The title comes from “fare la bella figura” which means “to make a good figure”--in other words, kind of like “looking good.” And the author maintains that it’s the raison d’etre of most Italians.
In it the author explains how for the average Italian a stop light is more a conundrum than a command. Should the motorist run the red light and chance getting hit by those speeding along with the green, or should he stop for the red light and when it’s green chance getting hit by those running their own red light. And that’s not to mention the motorists behind who are honking their horns, impatiently awaiting the chance to make their own choice.
Severgnini dissects the great, the bad, and the bizarre in the Italian psyche on a ten-day tour through the peninsula. It’s oftentimes humorous and usually interesting, particularly when the author contrasts Italians with Americans and other nationalities.
In it the author explains how for the average Italian a stop light is more a conundrum than a command. Should the motorist run the red light and chance getting hit by those speeding along with the green, or should he stop for the red light and when it’s green chance getting hit by those running their own red light. And that’s not to mention the motorists behind who are honking their horns, impatiently awaiting the chance to make their own choice.
Severgnini dissects the great, the bad, and the bizarre in the Italian psyche on a ten-day tour through the peninsula. It’s oftentimes humorous and usually interesting, particularly when the author contrasts Italians with Americans and other nationalities.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
BUSH JOKE: Saved from Drowning
President Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." Bush said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and Said, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your sorry tail from drowning!"
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." Bush said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and Said, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your sorry tail from drowning!"
COLUMN: Reading, Writing and Paying Attention
By Tobin Barnes
I’ve been in school my whole life. Graduated a few times, but I’m still here. Haven’t moved on.
So what’s wrong?
I’m a teacher. Decided to stay. I like school. And that’s a good thing because my life would have been one long drag if I didn’t. Some people would be suicidal spending their entire lives in a classroom.
That’s because school’s not for everybody. Lot of people couldn’t and can’t wait to get out. I see them every day. Prison, unfortunately, is one way they think of it. And I understand. Academics isn’t how their built. Instead, for some, it’s a means to an end.
For me it’s the end. I’m learning every day. Sometimes I think I’m learning more than my students. Many times they’d probably agree. So it goes.
I’ve seen a lot of changes. And some things, thank goodness, haven’t changed. As with anything, there are good days and bad days, but most of them have been good.
But it didn’t start out that way. My mother had to drag me to kindergarten the first week or so...literally, if I remember right. It must have been embarrassing for her. But I was a mess, younger than my years. I wasn’t mature enough to realize I had it made, finger painting and such. Never actually slept during nap time, too wary and suspicious.
Back then, they didn’t spend much time on numbers and letters like they do now. Most of the effort went to socializing kids so they could start the real learning in first grade. I should have basked in this relative ease, loosened up a bit. I spent too much nervous energy on a slack situation before I had a reason to be tense.
The next year, in first grade, I would learn what tension was all about. Amen.
Sister was a stern taskmaster. But I don’t hold it against her one bit. She had to be. We learned in mass back in those baby boom days—must have been well over thirty of us in there, maybe closer to forty. Don’t know how the nuns did it: snot-nosed kids everywhere. Must have scared the heck out of them.
Anyway, Sister let us know, young as we were, we had a responsibility to learn. The finger-painting days were over. Organization was key. That and a certain application of tension, but let’s call it creative tension or maybe positive tension. With structure and a premium on purpose, we generally paid attention, or at least I did. Don’t remember much bad behavior, perhaps because I always had my eyes forward as per instructions.
We stayed seated in rows throughout class time. We didn’t wander around, didn’t get up unless it was to approach the teacher’s desk. And we did that with trepidation. There were parts of that room I never set foot on. Changing the seating arrangement was like going on vacation.
When another adult came into the room during class, we snapped to attention like Swiss guards at the Vatican. Yeah, as first graders.
If we needed to go to the can, there’s was only a small window of opportunity. When a kid asked to go within forty-five minutes of the beginning of class, he’d be denied. “You should have gone before class started.” When a kid asked to go within forty-five minutes of recess or lunch, he’d also be denied. “You may go when class is dismissed.”
That left about fifteen minutes of golden lavatory time (lavatory, not bathroom), enough for about three kids to leave the classroom, but one at a time. Send more than that and we’d be down there soaking balls of toilet paper in water and throwing them up onto the ceiling where they’d stay for years.
So you had to time the restroom request just right—mere minutes could make or break it—and you might be one of the lucky few. Everybody else was out of luck.
A tad harsh? Don’t know, maybe. But there were so many of us, anything else might have been just too chaotic. Nevertheless, one girl paid an embarrassing price when her timing didn’t work out. For good or ill, the rest of us learned to take care of business when the opportunity arose.
My foundation for further education was established that first year. I was set to go, even though my report card was filled with C’s. And I wasn’t the only one. Sister and the other nuns were pretty stingy with even B’s. It would be years before I earned many A’s.
Guess they were saving those in case someone like Einstein came along. Whatever. This way, we always had some room to grow. Never got to think we knew it all.
I’ve been in school my whole life. Graduated a few times, but I’m still here. Haven’t moved on.
So what’s wrong?
I’m a teacher. Decided to stay. I like school. And that’s a good thing because my life would have been one long drag if I didn’t. Some people would be suicidal spending their entire lives in a classroom.
That’s because school’s not for everybody. Lot of people couldn’t and can’t wait to get out. I see them every day. Prison, unfortunately, is one way they think of it. And I understand. Academics isn’t how their built. Instead, for some, it’s a means to an end.
For me it’s the end. I’m learning every day. Sometimes I think I’m learning more than my students. Many times they’d probably agree. So it goes.
I’ve seen a lot of changes. And some things, thank goodness, haven’t changed. As with anything, there are good days and bad days, but most of them have been good.
But it didn’t start out that way. My mother had to drag me to kindergarten the first week or so...literally, if I remember right. It must have been embarrassing for her. But I was a mess, younger than my years. I wasn’t mature enough to realize I had it made, finger painting and such. Never actually slept during nap time, too wary and suspicious.
Back then, they didn’t spend much time on numbers and letters like they do now. Most of the effort went to socializing kids so they could start the real learning in first grade. I should have basked in this relative ease, loosened up a bit. I spent too much nervous energy on a slack situation before I had a reason to be tense.
The next year, in first grade, I would learn what tension was all about. Amen.
Sister was a stern taskmaster. But I don’t hold it against her one bit. She had to be. We learned in mass back in those baby boom days—must have been well over thirty of us in there, maybe closer to forty. Don’t know how the nuns did it: snot-nosed kids everywhere. Must have scared the heck out of them.
Anyway, Sister let us know, young as we were, we had a responsibility to learn. The finger-painting days were over. Organization was key. That and a certain application of tension, but let’s call it creative tension or maybe positive tension. With structure and a premium on purpose, we generally paid attention, or at least I did. Don’t remember much bad behavior, perhaps because I always had my eyes forward as per instructions.
We stayed seated in rows throughout class time. We didn’t wander around, didn’t get up unless it was to approach the teacher’s desk. And we did that with trepidation. There were parts of that room I never set foot on. Changing the seating arrangement was like going on vacation.
When another adult came into the room during class, we snapped to attention like Swiss guards at the Vatican. Yeah, as first graders.
If we needed to go to the can, there’s was only a small window of opportunity. When a kid asked to go within forty-five minutes of the beginning of class, he’d be denied. “You should have gone before class started.” When a kid asked to go within forty-five minutes of recess or lunch, he’d also be denied. “You may go when class is dismissed.”
That left about fifteen minutes of golden lavatory time (lavatory, not bathroom), enough for about three kids to leave the classroom, but one at a time. Send more than that and we’d be down there soaking balls of toilet paper in water and throwing them up onto the ceiling where they’d stay for years.
So you had to time the restroom request just right—mere minutes could make or break it—and you might be one of the lucky few. Everybody else was out of luck.
A tad harsh? Don’t know, maybe. But there were so many of us, anything else might have been just too chaotic. Nevertheless, one girl paid an embarrassing price when her timing didn’t work out. For good or ill, the rest of us learned to take care of business when the opportunity arose.
My foundation for further education was established that first year. I was set to go, even though my report card was filled with C’s. And I wasn’t the only one. Sister and the other nuns were pretty stingy with even B’s. It would be years before I earned many A’s.
Guess they were saving those in case someone like Einstein came along. Whatever. This way, we always had some room to grow. Never got to think we knew it all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)