COLUMN: I'm Not Going to Face It

By Tobin Barnes
Been a lot a buzz lately about social networking sites on the Internet. But haven’t really been interested in them even though I spend a lot of time on my computer.

I’m mostly a facts and opinions sort a guy. Maybe a few laughs here and there. That’s how my time’s spent on the Internet.

Like I said, a lot of time. Almost unhealthily so.

But making friends in cyberspace? Instant messaging? Chit chat? Eh...not really interested.

Maybe it’s because I’m not all that social. Maybe kind of a crank, actually.

Sure, I like my friends, relatives, and acquaintances. Hey, after all, I’m not a mole under a rock. But I’m not particularly looking for more. Instead, I’ll take ’em when I get ’em.

Nevertheless, there’s been all this falderal about social networking, particularly the Facebook site. Big article in Newsweek for one. Talked about the founder Mark Zuckerberg who at 19 started this online phenomenon at Harvard.

Facebook started as a way for students to interact at a college where you don’t exactly mass enroll with a bunch of your buddies. Because Harvard’s so selective--over 90% of applicants are rejected--incoming freshmen probably don’t know anyone else when they arrive on campus.

The Facebook concept quickly spread to other colleges--like wildfire, that is, and just last year they opened things up to non-college students as well. Now more than half of
Facebook’s 35 million active users are not in college.

On the site, users post pictures and news and links and you name it. People get addicted to checking out their “friends” sites on a disturbingly frequent basis.

One of the co-founders reportedly said, "In five years, we'll have everybody on the planet on Facebook."

When Facebook went “viral,” as they say in Internet parlance, young Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard feeling the institution no longer had much more to offer him. Probably right. Internet behemoth Yahoo! offered him a billion dollars for his company. He turned that chump change down, thinking the sky’s the limit.

Well, Zuckerberg doesn’t know me and my ilk, I guess. There’s going to be at least one missing active member on the planet. I’m thinking there might be more.

Sure, I went to the site and registered. I’m a curious guy.

Didn’t stay there long, though. Filling out the profile kinda knocked me off the rails. My creep-o-meter went to red almost immediately.

First off, it asked for my sex. No big deal there, but then it asked me to check off which I was “Interested in,” men or women. Man there’s a loaded response. Interested in what sense?

Next, it asked for my “Relationship Status.” Choices were these: Single, In a Relationship, In an Open Relationship, Engaged, Married, and It’s Complicated.

Yeah, well they’re all complicated.

Then, I was supposed to check off what I was “Looking for.” Here were my choices: Friendship, A Relationship, Dating, Random Play, and Whatever I can get.

When I saw those last two, I knew I was done with Facebook. Either that, or my wife would be done with me. Messing around on this site, I knew I’d eventually have a lot of “splainin to do.” Not that I would have checked off “Random Play” or God forbid “Whatever I can get,” but I was sensing this whole thing just wasn’t me.

Not being the type who’s actively looking for new friends in the first place, I surmised that some of my future Facebook “friends” might have some bizarre agendas.

Leaving the above questions unanswered, I sure as heck wasn’t going to move on to “Political Views” and “Religious Views.” Answering those questions is more likely to get you enemies than friends.

Oh, I fully realize what’s going on with this. I see their point. After all, you have to share information if you want to make friends. And the questions have to be pretty generalized. That is, if you’re going to make a place for “everyone on the planet.”

Obviously, this stuff fits some people to a tee.

But I guess they’ll just have to do the best they can without my little piece of the globe. And I doubt if I’ll be missed.