By Tobin Barnes Last time, I was talking about being a zombie. How sometimes I go into zombie mode as a survival technique. You know, like when things become unbearably unpleasant for one reason or another, and I just want to zone out while time passes.
I’ve been feeling better lately, thank you. I’ve had somewhat of a recovery. Now I’m just feeling dull.
It’s November after all. November is a hip season that isn’t all that hip. If there’s such a thing as a bland month, this is it.
Only thing to look forward to in November is the family-enabled gorge-fest at Thanksgiving.
Uh huh, another couple pounds popping the buttons and challenging the seams. I attract weight like a fat globule the way it is. Last thing I need is three thousand calories at a sitting. Ends up being more than one Butterball at the table—me.
Thanksgiving is my brother’s favorite holiday. I can come up with about ten better ones.
So I’ve been feeling dull now that it’s early November. Better than being a zombie, but it’s still not all beer and skittles.
In this state, I need my support group.
I go to Dullmen.com, and I find myself at home.
Haven’t been there for a while, but predictably, not much has changed. After all, change is not what the brothers are looking for.
As the mission statement says, Dullmen.com is “a place—in cyberspace—where Dull Men can share thoughts and experiences, free from pressures to be in and trendy,
free instead to enjoy the simple, ordinary things of everyday life.”
Guys like us are “Born to be mild” because “We don’t get out much.” We remind ourselves that “It’s okay to be ordinary.”
With reassurance like that I start feeling better.
Immediately, I see that at Dullmen.com November is Celebrate the Fig Month. Har! Is this a mildly fun bunch of guys or what? Only time a Dull Man like me has ever been around anything as exotic as a fig is in my Newton, and even that’s been a while.
Feeling all warm and comfy, I now begin browsing around the site.
Being an avid reader, I check out the book recommendations. No rave reviews. They’re a no-no at Dullmen: too exciting.
However, the site’s lukewarm about The Art of Napping by William A. Anthony, Ph.D, and his sequel The Art of Napping at Work. They’re also mildly impressed by How to Dunk a Donut: The Science of Everyday Life by Len Fisher. Finally, they list The Potato: How the Humble Spud Rescued the Western World by Larry Zuckerman.
Books like these will be sure to keep us Dull Men nodding off. Just what we’re looking for.
Next, I check out an article by one of my favorite writers at Dullmen, Grover Click, who’s the Assistant Vice President of the Dull Men’s Club. He’s been checking out Extreme Ironing, like when people choose perilous places to iron such as atop Devil’s Tower. He says the Extreme Ironing Bureau is the home of “the latest danger sport that combines the thrill of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt.”
However, Grover isn’t enamored of the extreme ironers. As he says, “I don’t get it. I like to iron in my basement. That’s where I enjoy ironing—the pure joy of ironing. My basement is quiet and calm. And free from any danger.”
Spoken like a true Dull Man. It makes my heart swell to be an advocate of such a group.
As usual, I topped off my visit at Dullmen.com by looking at their latest jokes. Here’s one you’ll almost enjoy (but be warned, it’s a little racy):
Two brooms were hanging together in a closet. After a while they got to know each other so well they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The wedding was lovely.
At the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom.”
“Impossible!” said the groom broom. “We haven’t even swept together.”
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