Jesus Held Hostage

Litter Boxer

http://view.break.com/526860 - Watch more free videos

GAG: Great If It Were True

http://view.break.com/524970 - Watch more free videos

Some George Carlin Stuff

Some of the late George Carlin’s “short takes” from his 2001 book “Napalm & Silly Putty” (Hyperion):

Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

It takes two scales to find out how much a scale weighs.

You rarely run into a damsel anymore.

The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage.

In Los Angeles, there’s a hotline for people in denial. So far no one has called.

You know a business that doesn’t lend itself too easily to the Internet? Pay toilets.

Suggested bumper sticker: We Are the Proud Parents of a Child Whose Self-Esteem Is Sufficient That He Doesn’t Need Us Advertising His Minor Scholastic Achievements on the Bumper of Our Car.

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

An art thief is a man who takes pictures

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not however be responsible for the consequences.

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

Whenever I see a large crowd of people I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

You live 80 years, and at best you get about 6 minutes of pure magic.

The Trunk Monkey: You'll Want One

(Sent by Roy Wilson)

Arabs Good for the Golf Business

Got an email from my cousin Roy Wilson. He's in the golf course building business. Told me about their latest project:

Thought you'd like to take a look at the golf course we are building in Dubai designed by Tiger Woods! What do you think?!

Weather-wise it’s starting to get hot. 120’s will be quite frequent in the couple of months ahead.

The wind also comes up every once in while and creates miserable conditions on site. It gets worse than the picture, too. Almost “black out” conditions.

Regardless of the tough site conditions and complexities, it is an exciting project and we’re very fortunate to be involved. We have created some great relationships and the course will be recognized around the world.

Keep swinging!!

I'd Like to Try This

Gas Prices High? Share a Ride

Form a Band with Apple iPhones

(Sent by Tom Cooley)

Jarring Segue

Slow down there pardner.

SLATE: Barney's Tell-All

The end is worth waiting for:

Tough Job Market

Excellent Rendition of National Anthem

Many professional singers can't do it as well as these 6-8 year old girls. (Sent by Roy Wilson)

COLUMN: Bring It On

By Tobin Barnes
It’s been raining forty days and forty nights.

Or anyway, seems like it. Yeah, almost Biblical.

Some around here could have used an ark lately. Soon as it starts raining toads, we’ll know the end is near. Amen.

Course, we needed the rain.

Badly.

Been parching through seven-eight years of drought. Even the yuccas were dying.

Now it’s all over. Like big time. Like, there goes a whale.

Up here in SoDak, we never get enough of anything. It’s always too much or too little.

We’re blessed that way.

Almost happy about it. We know it builds character. And we love character.

We get down on our knees every night and pray for adversity so we might learn to become better people.

It works. Our prayers are always answered. Hallelujah!

Live a cream puff life, you turn into a cream puff. Little trouble comes along, puff, there you go. Can’t hack it.

Live a hard scrabble life, you turn into hard scrabble. Become like gravel. Little trouble comes along, heck, it’s just a little more trouble.

Been there, done that.

While other parts of the nation worry that the country’s slipping into a recession, SoDakers rest easy. No sweat.

“What, me worry?”

Yeah, we’re like Alfred E. Neuman that way. And just as goofy when you think about it.

Heck, we’re always in a recession compared to everybody else. Used to it. Take it for granted. Oooo, almost feels good, you know?

So when others experience an economic downturn, we just welcome them to the neighborhood. Come on up here on the porch, buddy. Let’s discuss it. Cry about it maybe.

We know their pain.

Feel the burn, we say. We know they’ll be better people for it. With a little adversity, might return to their down-home values.

Be more like us. We think we never left them.

Dealing with adversity, you just gotta have down-home values.

Then, sooner or later, when those other parts of the country recover and have prosperity again, we stay right there in our recession. Don’t budge.

But that’s okay. We’re used to it. Almost happy about it.

We take satisfaction knowing those prosperous parts will lose some character without all that economic adversity.

On the other hand, shoot! We’ve got character in spades. (Characters, too.)

Gotta admit, though. Doesn’t seem to bother those other parts of the country. They seem content with their prosperity when they get it.

Just don’t know what they’re missing, I guess.

Whoops.

Looks like it’s going to rain again.

Certainly don’t need it, but we’re going to get it.

Always too much or too little around here. Never enough.

That’s okay. We’re used to it.

Good as Anything

Home Alone

READ FIRST:

These people were always finding water all over their pool deck and furniture every time they came home, after being away for a few hours. They thought the neighborhood kids were watching for them to leave, and using the pool.

However, they could never catch them doing it. So, they set up their video cam and left. This is what they found out.



(Sent by Tom Cooley)

Pigeon Blaster

http://view.break.com/365748 - Watch more free videos

You're on the Clock

Redneck Limo

Irony in Spain

COLUMN: It Can Be Lonely Out Here

By Tobin Barnes
We voted a week early.

Yup. We took part in the last of the state Presidential primaries of the season.

Voting absentee, we avoided the lines on election day. We’ve voted early before. It’s the smart thing to do. I highly recommend it.

Course, by voting early, you might miss some late-breaking bombshell that might change your mind, but I doubt it.

Whatever, we got the job done.

And sure enough, we cancelled each other out, just like I figured--which isn’t such a smart thing to do.

I imagine splitting the household franchise makes taking the time to vote seem fairly ridiculous. Oh sure, we did our patriotic duty and cast our ballots the way we should as good Americans, but it’s like we didn’t vote at all. Net result, zero for anybody.

There was nothing else on our Democratic ballot. It was just Obama vs. Clinton.

Republicans had all kinds of local office primary choices to make. They’ve got options.

Not us local Democrats. That’s because we’re a distinct minority.

Around here in western SoDak, Democrats seem scarce as hens’ teeth, so we hardly ever get to vote in a primary that makes a difference. Pretty much lucky just to have local Democratic candidates, period.

(If you’re wondering who’s those twenty-some percent still thinking Bush is doing a good job, well, I’m betting a number of them are living right around here.)

This territory has been a conservative bulwark since nigh on inception, with a few notable lapses here and there, but not many. And I guess that’s understandable--western individualists and all that.

When I first moved out here, someone told me I might as well register Republican so I can have a vote in the Republican primaries where virtually the only choices are made. The general elections being pretty much slam-dunks.

And I did that for awhile. But I’m nowhere near a Republican, so I switched back to where I needed to be.

However, it can be lonely, though I’ve sensed a little movement here lately. Not much, but a little.

A couple of my students are working for the Obama campaign, so I asked them for a yard sign. Put it at the end of my driveway. Only one I’ve seen in the whole town.

So obviously, I voted for Obama and my wife voted for Clinton. Tie ball game, except I was one yard sign up on her.

She’s so pro-Hillary we drove down to a Clinton rally in Rapid City a day after we voted. I didn’t want to go, let me tell you--heck, we’d already voted!

But seeing Hillary meant a lot to her.

And though I didn’t want to, I knew I had to go. Code words “It means a lot to me” were in play, and you don’t need a marriage counselor to know what that means.

So there we are in a Rapid City park standing in a seemingly endless line that wraps around the block.

Got to say, it was a revelation.

Had no idea there were so many Democratic supporters in the Black Hills, but heck, there they were. And it just had to be all Democrats. Can’t imagine any of them being Republicans, standing around in line to see a Clinton, for crying out loud.

Took a long time to get in. Bottleneck was security--only one metal detector and just two guys with wands to check everybody out. Evidently, the campaign planners were also surprised to have so many Democrats show up.

We finally got inside the gates in time to hear most of Hillary’s speech, and I’ve got to admit, she did a fine job. It’s one thing seeing those media-wrought political caricatures on TV and quite another seeing them in person twenty yards away. Gives you the eerie feeling that they just might be real people.

Spend some real time around W, and I bet you’d come to like him, too. Might even start thinking his ideas almost make sense.

On our way out of the rally, my wife got not one but two “Hillary for President” yard signs from a campaign worker. Brought them home with her. Made me stop the car when we got to the end of our driveway.

We’re no longer evenly split between Obama and Clinton.

Now it’s two yard signs to one.