Some George Carlin Stuff

Some of the late George Carlin’s “short takes” from his 2001 book “Napalm & Silly Putty” (Hyperion):

Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

It takes two scales to find out how much a scale weighs.

You rarely run into a damsel anymore.

The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage.

In Los Angeles, there’s a hotline for people in denial. So far no one has called.

You know a business that doesn’t lend itself too easily to the Internet? Pay toilets.

Suggested bumper sticker: We Are the Proud Parents of a Child Whose Self-Esteem Is Sufficient That He Doesn’t Need Us Advertising His Minor Scholastic Achievements on the Bumper of Our Car.

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

An art thief is a man who takes pictures

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not however be responsible for the consequences.

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

Whenever I see a large crowd of people I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

You live 80 years, and at best you get about 6 minutes of pure magic.