COLUMN: A Wink Is as Good as a Nod to a Blind Horse

By Tobin Barnes
We’ve had a lot of winking going on recently in Presidential politics. John McCain winks a lot, and, disturbingly, so does his running mate, Sarah Palin.

I don’t know about you, but winking creeps me out.

It has ever since I was a kid. I used to caddy at the local country club in my hometown of Mitchell, South Dakota. I was an impressionable lower middle-class kid trying to make a few bucks over the summer. Same as a few other kids. My family never had much money, but members at the country club seemed to have plenty.

Of course, that’s relatively speaking. Those local country club members probably had nothing compared to real money outside South Dakota.

Anyway, we caddies would spend the day sitting around waiting for caddy jobs. One week this out-of-towner came along several days in a row. I think he was in town visiting some in-laws. Maybe he came out to the golf course to get away from them.

For some reason, he’d take time every day to talk to us caddies. And we were impressed. Generally, no one paid attention to us unless we got in the way.

He’d go into these monologues offering us his experiences and wisdom. It was kind of weird, really, now that I think back on it.

What I remember most about these sessions is that he’d punctuate his tidbits of advice about life with plentiful winks. And I was going along with it. I’d been around winkers before. But eventually he started launching into this philosophy that really turned me off.

He told us, “The world is for the takers.” And he’d repeat it again and again with winks, like he was making us privy to some inside scoop that would change our lives.

It was then that I realized that he was full of baloney, and all his winking was a bunch of baloney, too. And I was only twelve years old.

Yeah, great philosophy! Great for widows and orphans.

This guy thought that being a predator was a lifestyle kids should emulate.

Ever since, I haven’t had much time for winkers.

I figure there’s two reasons people wink a lot. And I don’t care for either.

The first? A winker has decided that winking is a way to gain instant intimacy with other people. They think it’s a way of expressing friendliness, bonhomie, and comradeship. So they flash their winks all over the place like some friendliness tool. It seems disconcertingly manipulative to me.

And worse, this winking becomes a habit, eventually gets out of control, and it’s like the person ends up with a facial tic. Consequently, they’re winking all the time, which really seems phony.

John McCain, unfortunately, has become a compulsive winker.

The second reason people wink a lot? The winker is letting you in on an inside joke. Uh huh, there’s a fool thereabouts, sometimes in their immediate presence, so let’s have a laugh at his or her expense.

That type of wink is condescending. It’s like you’re on the inside of the people-in-the-know group and the fool’s on the outside. It’s not only condescending, like referring to someone else as “That one,” it’s also demeaning and, ultimately, rude.

Sarah Palin, again unfortunately, engages in this type of winking.

Both types turn me off.

I prefer those who don’t engage in such petty, gimcrack tricks. Just like I prefer people who are repelled by such trickle-down philosophies as, “The world is for the takers.”

We’re suffering enough, and may suffer much more, from such self-centered Wall Street-type predators.

I bet they do a lot of winking, too.