COLUMN: To Call or Not to Call

By Tobin Barnes
Been coping with the ups and downs of the flu lately. Boy, has that been fun.

He’s been hanging around for the last week or so. Even plopped down and butted into my President’s Day three-day weekend. Just what I was looking for. Old Ugly, come to visit. Old Mr. No Fun.

And, you know, the whole thing’s more mental than physical.

Started out, took a sick day and laid in bed just like you’re supposed to. Got in about 15 hours of sleep that day. Thought that’d give the flu the old heave-ho.

Didn’t. He lingered on. He likes to linger. “Linger” is his word. He invented it.

Guess he wanted me to take two or three days off instead, maybe a week. Who knows? No one. You never know with these things. That’s the problem. It takes decision-making on a Presidential level to decide whether to call in sick again or not. Second time is tougher.

To get over it, you’ve got to rest. Sure. But what’s worse? Being sick at work or being sick about the work piling up on your desk?

Besides, how sick is sick?

I’ve been sicker, but this is bad.

How bad is bad?

Purdy bad.

How blue is the sky, how green is the grass.

Purdy blue and purdy green.

Can I go in and work?

I suppose I can.

Should you?

Maybe.

Who wouldn’t?

He wouldn’t, but I might. Except this time. I think I’m too sick.

Nah, you’re not that sick.

Yes I am.

No you’re not. There’s people in the hospital really sick. Suffering sick. You’re not that sick.

Yeah, but….

But what?

Uh huh, the sickest thing might be all this reasoning. Anyway, completely muddle-headed, you decide to go into work.

Hey, it’ll be better than making up all that stuff later. And maybe I’ll feel better anyway. Sometimes I do.

But not this time.

You wish you’d called in sick like you should’ve. But it’s too late, now. You’re stuck, now. You’re screwed, now.

You won’t make this mistake tomorrow.

But the next day you feel better. Maybe. Wait. Not really sure.

Whole thing starts over again.

See, if you’d stayed home two or three days straight, it would have cleared up completely. Now it’s going to drag on. Weeks maybe of not feeling quite right. You poor wishy-washy sap, you.

Do the convalescence thing the right way, right away. Don’t go to work, don’t infect others. You have responsibilities to mankind. Get plenty of rest, drink lots of liquids, until you’re well enough to go back to work.

When’s that?

Hopefully, you’ll know, for everybody’s sake.

I think thinking about it is the worst part. Maybe.