Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Regrets of the Dying
Bronnie Ware works in pallitative care -- with patients near the end of their life. She writes powerfully about the the top regrets that have surfaced again and again from her patients on their death beds. I've pasted the list of five below.
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
RACE TO THE BOTTOM: Developing Trivial Skills
From Thomas L. Friedman's column:For me, the most frightening news in The Times on Sunday was not about North Korea’s stepping up its nuclear program, but an article about how American kids are stepping up their use of digital devices: “Allison Miller, 14, sends and receives 27,000 texts in a month, her fingers clicking at a blistering pace as she carries on as many as seven text conversations at a time. She texts between classes, at the moment soccer practice ends, while being driven to and from school and, often, while studying. But this proficiency comes at a cost: She blames multitasking for the three B’s on her recent progress report. “I’ll be reading a book for homework and I’ll get a text message and pause my reading and put down the book, pick up the phone to reply to the text message, and then 20 minutes later realize, ‘Oh, I forgot to do my homework.’ ”
...
If you want to know who’s doing the parenting part right, start with immigrants, who know that learning is the way up. Last week, the 32 winners of Rhodes Scholarships for 2011 were announced — America’s top college grads. Here are half the names on that list: Mark Jia, Aakash Shah, Zujaja Tauqeer, Tracy Yang, William Zeng, Daniel Lage, Ye Jin Kang, Baltazar Zavala, Esther Uduehi, Prerna Nadathur, Priya Sury, Anna Alekeyeva, Fatima Sabar, Renugan Raidoo, Jennifer Lai, Varun Sivaram.
Do you see a pattern?
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
National Security Issue: Education
"75 percent of young Americans, between the ages of 17 to 24, are unable to enlist in the military today because they have failed to graduate from high school, have a criminal record, or are physically unfit.”--Thomas L. Friedman
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
THE UNBELIEVABLE UGLIES: Journalism vs. Blowhards
Image via Wikipedia"[Anderson] Cooper then showed the following snippets: Rush Limbaugh talking about Obama’s trip: “In two days from now, he’ll be in India at $200 million a day.” Then Glenn Beck, on his radio show, saying: “Have you ever seen the president, ever seen the president go over for a vacation where you needed 34 warships, $2 billion — $2 billion, 34 warships. We are sending — he’s traveling with 3,000 people.” In Beck’s rendition, the president’s official state visit to India became “a vacation” accompanied by one-tenth of the U.S. Navy. Ditto the conservative radio talk-show host Michael Savage. He said, “$200 million? $200 million each day on security and other aspects of this incredible royalist visit; 3,000 people, including Secret Service agents. "Cooper then added: “Again, no one really seemed to care to check the facts. For security reasons, the White House doesn’t comment on logistics of presidential trips, but they have made an exception this time." He then quoted Robert Gibbs, the White House press secretary, as saying, “I am not going to go into how much it costs to protect the president, [but this trip] is comparable to when President Clinton and when President Bush traveled abroad. This trip doesn’t cost $200 million a day.” Geoff Morrell, the Pentagon press secretary, said: “I will take the liberty this time of dismissing as absolutely absurd, this notion that somehow we were deploying 10 percent of the Navy and some 34 ships and an aircraft carrier in support of the president’s trip to Asia. That’s just comical. Nothing close to that is being done.
"Cooper also pointed out that, according to the Congressional Budget Office, the entire war effort in Afghanistan was costing about $190 million a day and that President Bill Clinton’s 1998 trip to Africa — with 1,300 people and of roughly similar duration, cost, according to the Government Accountability Office and adjusted for inflation, “about $5.2 million a day.”
"When widely followed public figures feel free to say anything, without any fact-checking, we have a problem. It becomes impossible for a democracy to think intelligently about big issues — deficit reduction, health care, taxes, energy/climate — let alone act on them. Facts, opinions and fabrications just blend together. But the carnival barkers that so dominate our public debate today are not going away — and neither is the Internet. All you can hope is that more people will do what Cooper did — so when the next crazy lie races around the world, people’s first instinct will be to doubt it, not repeat it."--Thomas L. Friedman
RACE TO THE BOTTOM: We ARE a Banana Republic
"The top 1 percent of Americans owns 34 percent of America’s private net worth, according to figures compiled by the Economic Policy Institute in Washington. The bottom 90 percent owns just 29 percent.
"That also means that the top 10 percent controls more than 70 percent of Americans’ total net worth."--Nicholas D. Kristof
"That also means that the top 10 percent controls more than 70 percent of Americans’ total net worth."--Nicholas D. Kristof
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Bellyaching from 1955
That's only 55 years ago! 'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.' 'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.' 'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.' 'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter.' 'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.' 'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.' 'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.' 'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.' 'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.' 'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.' 'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.' 'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.' 'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.' 'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.' 'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.' 'There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.' 'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.' 'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.' (sent by Joey Larson) |
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
My Latest Favorite Tweets
Margo Howard:
The big question: "Where would conservatives cut spending?" I would guess they'd cut anything that has to do with people who aren't rich.
Andy Borowitz:
For once I agree with John Boehner--when he became Speaker I sobbed uncontrollably.
David Roberts:
The new Speaker of the House: "The idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical."
almightygod:
Changing election results in response to prayers.
Andy Borowitz:
To every Democrat who voted against health-care but lost last night anyway: well played, sir!
Kim:
From what I'm seeing on the news, the new definition of intellectual is "one who believes in evolution."
The big question: "Where would conservatives cut spending?" I would guess they'd cut anything that has to do with people who aren't rich.
Andy Borowitz:
For once I agree with John Boehner--when he became Speaker I sobbed uncontrollably.
David Roberts:
The new Speaker of the House: "The idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical."
almightygod:
Changing election results in response to prayers.
Andy Borowitz:
To every Democrat who voted against health-care but lost last night anyway: well played, sir!
Kim:
From what I'm seeing on the news, the new definition of intellectual is "one who believes in evolution."
Living Will/Well
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them , "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. (sent by Joey Larson)
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. (sent by Joey Larson)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Murals
Magnificent Murals of the Day: S. Rivas painted a bunch of Calvin & Hobbes murals in the playroom of the Reynolds Home — a shelter for women and children in crisis.
New Darwin Announcements
DARWIN AWARDS honor those who do the most to improve our genepool--by removing themselves from it, thereby ensuring that the next gen is descended from one fewer idiot.
AWARD WINNER. ALERT! Another Grand Canyon tourist, who was leaping from precipice to precarious precipice, made the plunge. Do you suppose that those two words have the same roots, 'precipice' and 'precarious'? It seems obvious that the combination should trigger a warning reflex that keeps an animal away from danger. But nope, not in this case. Gravity. It's always on. http://darwinawards.com/
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS. In a flagrant act of wheelchair abuse, a man, annoyed that an elevator has closed and departed without him, rams his wheelchair into the doors not once, not twice, but THREE times in all--only to plunge down the now-empty elevator shaft to his death.
The elevator windows are transparent so any fool could see that the elevator was gone, gone, gone.
EVOLUTION PRESENTS: The Human Bottle Rocket. Could be a Darwin Award.
2006 incident. News only now reaching the ears of Charles Darwin. From HIS ears to your eyes. Sunderland, England paramedics found a prone man suffering injuries including a scorched colon, caused by a Black Cat Thunderbolt rocket. The 22-year-old had, unbelievably, inserted this rocket in his back side, laid down on his front side, and lit the fuse in an attempt to make the rocket fly up into the air. But it was pointing the other way! The regional Firework Association chairman spoke for us all when he said, "This sort of thing is beyond belief."
AWARD WINNER. ALERT! Another Grand Canyon tourist, who was leaping from precipice to precarious precipice, made the plunge. Do you suppose that those two words have the same roots, 'precipice' and 'precarious'? It seems obvious that the combination should trigger a warning reflex that keeps an animal away from danger. But nope, not in this case. Gravity. It's always on. http://darwinawards.com/
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS. In a flagrant act of wheelchair abuse, a man, annoyed that an elevator has closed and departed without him, rams his wheelchair into the doors not once, not twice, but THREE times in all--only to plunge down the now-empty elevator shaft to his death.
The elevator windows are transparent so any fool could see that the elevator was gone, gone, gone.
EVOLUTION PRESENTS: The Human Bottle Rocket. Could be a Darwin Award.
2006 incident. News only now reaching the ears of Charles Darwin. From HIS ears to your eyes. Sunderland, England paramedics found a prone man suffering injuries including a scorched colon, caused by a Black Cat Thunderbolt rocket. The 22-year-old had, unbelievably, inserted this rocket in his back side, laid down on his front side, and lit the fuse in an attempt to make the rocket fly up into the air. But it was pointing the other way! The regional Firework Association chairman spoke for us all when he said, "This sort of thing is beyond belief."
Monday, November 1, 2010
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