Good 'Late Night' Jokes: Mega Millions

Mega Millions logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

• There were three winning lotto tickets. I guess we're not sure who the three winners are yet. But when they do come forward, two things happen immediately. You get a call from the IRS asking for half. Then you get a call from your friends and relatives asking for the other half.
• Betty White has a new show on NBC called "Off Their Rockers" where senior citizens prank young people. It's kind of like what we're doing to them with Social Security. 
• The Supreme Court has ruled that anybody can be strip-searched for any kind of arrest. That's something to think about the next time you bring 12 items into a 10-item-or-less lane. 

Conan

• Three people have won the Mega Millions lottery. You know what that means — three more votes for Mitt Romney.

Jimmy Kimmel

• I always think it's funny that people wait in line for hours and hours when it's $640 million, but if it's a hundred million, it's not really worth it. None of the people in that line were winners in any sense of the word. They stood in line for nothing, wasting a whole day.

Jimmy Fallon

• Yesterday was April Fools' Day. Mitt Romney's staffers played a prank on him by staging a fake campaign event in an empty room — or as Newt Gingrich put it, "My staff has been playing that prank on me for six months."
• I read that the odds of winning the Mega Millions jackpot were only 1 in 176 million — or as most people put it, "Well, yeah. That's why I bought two."