Well...it's something

"Young bull moose visits downtown Bismarck and state Capitol"

Local says, "Most interesting thing to happen here, for like...ever!"

Pumpkin crasher

"Dad squashes son's giant pumpkin record with 2,261-pounder"

'The old man always enjoys stomping on my dreams,' son says

Do not doughnut

"Police: Doughnut heist leads to capture of wanted man"

Desperado's bear claw jones cascades into his undoing

Wild Thing

"102-year-old woman gets arrested so she can cross it off her bucket list"

Claims it's taken 10 years 'raising hell' on her Rascal to get the cops' attention

Bring in the clowns

"Police: Woman late for work lies about clown attacking her"

'When in doubt,' police chief says, 'they always blame a clown'

Stop the insanity

"Man charged with wearing clear plastic wrap bikini on beach"

Cling Wrap aficionados say crime 'monstrous' on so many levels

Darkness visible

"This Weird Galaxy Is Actually 99.99 Percent Dark Matter"

'Too conservative," some scientists say, 'considering current politics'

They're everywhere!

"Michigan quintuplets work first jobs together at McDonald's"

Stoner with munchies freaks thinking it's an alien invasion

The scoop

"‘Dizzy’ the monkey still on the loose in Springfield zoo"

'Ditzy' the animal keeper is on shovel detail, yet again

 

Cobbed

"Man charged with shooting corncobs at neighbor's house"

'It's not so funny when it happens to you,' cob victim warns

Who could decide?

"Oregon fair generates buzz with 1st legal pot display in US"

Judges admit being too mellow to finish awarding blue ribbons

 

A lemon

"Man gives phony $50 bill to girl's charity lemonade stand"

Culprit referred to as 'nice guy until you get to know him'

On a mission

"Sexploits of Diego the Tortoise save Galapagos species"

'You wouldn't think it,' zookeeper says, 'but Diego gets around pretty fast'

You can be one, too

"Guggenheim Museum Invites Viewers to Use 18-Karat Gold Toilet"

Chance to sit yours down just like the biggest one sits his down

One Mississippi

"Study: Five-second rule is too generous for fallen food"

Even if food could bounce back onto plate, it would be too long

Another Benghazi

"Diagnosed with pneumonia, Clinton falls ill at 9/11 memorial"

'Scandalous!" say top Republicans. 'Congress needs to investigate'

He went to pot

"Oregon man finds portable toilet filled with pot"

Goes in for a whiz, comes out with a buzz

Lone Stranger

"Police: Masked man was sleeping in vehicle he'd broken into"

Inevitably, neighbors asked each other, 'Who was that masked man?'

H2O + hops

"University of Southern Maine to Use Beer to Help Students Learn Chemistry"

Some doubt the educational value but all admit the classes will be well attended

A good kid with a gun