Another Good One

Monologue | Aired Tuesday night on CBS: Listen to this, a guy in North Carolina, a mailman, a Federal employee, a postal worker, was arrested and put in jail. You know why? He would deliver regular mail, but he wouldn’t deliver junk mail. They got the guy, they arrested him, and they put him in prison. We got that guy, but still no word on bin Laden.

Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, “Thank you, Oprah.”

That Obama is a smart, hard-working guy. And he has promised now to stabilize the economy, going to rebuild the infrastructure, create millions of new jobs, catch bin Laden. President Bush said, “Uh, you can do that?”

A lot of people have forgotten about President Bush, but this transitional period is a busy time for President Bush as well. He’s busy granting pardons. Today, he pardoned Sarah Palin for her interview with Katie Couric.

And tomorrow, President Bush will pardon turkeys. This year, I think you know the turkeys, the Lehman brothers.

Here’s what I don’t like about the turkeys this year, they’re arrogant. These turkeys that they’re going to pardon this year, they’re arrogant. They’re flying in from Detroit on their private jets.

But right now, right this very minute, Dick Cheney is waterboarding the turkeys.