COLUMN: Oddities from hither and yon

By Tobin Barnes
Spanning the information globe so you don’t have to, here’s my latest collection of stories from the range of the strange:

First up, we have this kid who got a toilet seat stuck on his head.

“Strange place for calisthenics,” you’re thinking? “Quite a hat size!” you apprise?

Nope, you’d be wrong. It all comes down to a tot and his pot. But it took firefighters to resolve the situation.

According to the London bureau of Reuters, “The toddler, aged two-and-a-half, and his mother walked into a fire station in Braintree, Essex, saying the boy had put his head through a small trainer seat for the toilet and now could not remove it.”

Of course, we’ve all learned not to overestimate the judgment of two-year-olds, but if nothing else, I managed to avoid this in my youth. How about you?

"His mum had tried to get it over his head but couldn’t budge it so she walked him down here and asked us to have a look at it...," firefighter Chris Cox said.

That walk to the fire station must have turned an eye or two. And you think the mother could have mustered the nerve to berate gawkers with a snarky, “What are you looking at?”

Hardly. A walk like that requires humility and charm.

The no doubt bemused but also no doubt discreet firefighters in the presence of “Mum” alleviated the problem with dish soap: “It slid off nice as pie.”

Next up, the apocalypse has finally arrived. Minnesota, of all places, has succumbed to debauchery. And if Minnesota, can SoDak be far behind?

Approximately 200 students at respectable Concordia College in Moorhead were seen skinny dipping in the campus pond, celebrating their graduation.

Even when campus security arrived, the students refused to cooperate. Matter of fact, they became boldly and nakedly uncooperative.

(Could “Hands up!” have been part of the problem?)

According to the Associated Press, “Moorhead police were called after students pushed the security officer’s golf cart into the pond.”
Now there’s an unanticipated water hazard.

When police arrived at the wade-in, quaintly reminiscent of hippie days a la Woodstock, they encountered 50-75 revelers still in various states of undress, but saw no one completely naked. Of course, there are some things you just don’t want to see in this age of overeating and obesity.

Anyway, no one was arrested, but some could be charged for damage to the golf cart. Concordia security chief Sherri Arnold said they’re on the trail of ten people. But it’s not a CSI-level water trail as you’d expect with DNA evidence and such.

They left their clothes and wallets behind.
Finally, I’ve had some dull days in my life but I’ve never been this bored.

Reuters reports, “A large English cheddar cheese has become a star of the Internet, attracting more than one million viewers to sit and stare at it as it slowly ripens.”

If you yourself also feel a need to check the cheese, go to www.cheddarvision.tv.

People from as hither and yon as Albania and New Zealand have clicked in, but the most hits have come from the United States. Yep, couch potatoes like their cheese.

“First placed in front of a webcam in late December, the Westcombe cheddar from West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers leaped (Is ‘leaped’ really the right word?) to public attention in early February and has since attracted viewers from 119 countries.”

Of course, this is right up Dullmen.com’s alley. They pounced on the cheddar.

As the site advertises itself, it’s “a place--in cyberspace--where Dull Men can share thoughts and experiences, free from pressures to be in and trendy, free instead to enjoy the simple, ordinary things of everyday life.”

Some of their favorite activities include watching corn grow, observing the luggage carousel at Dulles Airport (Dull-es, get it?), and Applecam, where they are watching “an apple blossom turn into an apple.”

Ripening cheese fits into their agenda like all get out. If only someone could invent smell-a-vision. But then, that might be a little too exciting for dull men.