COLUMN: I Need Some More Work

Image via Wikipedia

By Tobin Barnes
I’ve started dressing for nicer weather, thinking it might actually encourage the weather to become nicer. And, you know what? The weather has actually gotten nicer...sometimes.

Weird, huh? Almost exciting.

But that’s right, you guessed it. That kind of thinking means it’s time for another therapy session. I need to go back to dullmen.com. Thinking like this is a key indicator that I need some more work. How about you?

Dullmen.com is a website in cyberspace “where dull men—and women who appreciate dull men—share experiences, interests, and ways of coping—coping in a world that presents an ever increasing number of exciting things to do.”

Dressing to influence the weather is about as out-of-control as I ever get, so as you can see, dullmen.com is the place for me…and maybe you, too.

After all, as the site reminds us, this is not an “aspirational website.” It isn’t going to help you flatten your stomach, whiten your teeth, or get more money in your bank account. It just celebrates the enjoyment of ordinary things at a nice slow pace, like avoiding too much excitement, taking it easy, and patiently waiting for the change of seasons instead of getting goofy about it.

Upon entering the site, right away, we have to calm ourselves down because we notice a new feature that wasn’t there before. (They should give us more warning—something like, “In a few months we’ll be adding a new feature.” That would give us time to prepare ourselves.)

Thankfully, the new section is called “Safe Excitement: Enjoy the Ordinary.” That makes the transition a little easier.

So what do they suggest for safe excitement? Well, they discuss bubble wrap with a fairly provocative close-up picture of some plastic bubble wrap with some of the bubbles popped. Other bubbles are teasingly intact.

Another suggestion for safe entertainment is watching cement being poured, trowelled into form, and allowed to set. The setting of the cement, of course, can extend the fun for hours. The site suggests that listening to the cement mixer is also enjoyable.

Also high on the suggestion list is elevator riding. Of course, the taller the building, the more exciting this can get. So it’s important to gauge your tolerance level. An elevator rider could easily trigger a panic attack by letting his emotions flair and going too high, too fast.

But the suggestion that intrigues me most? “Extreme Elevator Music Listening.”

What do you do when you’re going to extremes while listening to elevator music?

Well, first, you have to be in an elevator. Also, you have to be by yourself.

An interesting person, of course, could care less whether he or she was in an elevator alone or with ten people. But then, an interesting person wouldn’t listen to the elevator music in the first place. Wouldn’t even realize the music was there.

But a dull man in an elevator…by himself…listening to that sweet elevator music…well, he just might start grooving in there…you know what I mean? A little electric boogaloo, maybe?

That’s Extreme Elevator Music Listening.

Of course, you’d have to keep one eye on the floors passing by. If the elevator stops, and the doors open, and someone’s out there ready to get on, and you’re in there grooving…? Well, that could kill a dull man.

Would I, personally, ever get into Extreme Elevator Music Listening? Being dull, I’m not saying I would, and I’m not saying I wouldn’t.

But, hey, it’s intriguing.

Finally, the last suggestion for safe excitement is “Watching Paint Dry.” And the next level? Working for a paint company and having a job timing how long it takes.
Can dulldom get any better?