David Letterman
- Lindsay Lohan was in court again today. She's been sworn in so many times she has Bible elbow.
- Chuck Hagel is the new secretary of defense nominee. They are saying that he may be reluctant to send troops into a war zone needlessly. What kind of a nut job is this guy?
Conan
- Tickets to President Obama's inauguration have sold out. At least that's what the president is telling Joe Biden.
- After 113 days, the National Hockey League has settled its contract dispute. So finally Americans can get back to not watching hockey.
- Last week photos surfaced of Justin Bieber smoking marijuana. Fans of Justin Bieber were really upset and fans of marijuana were really embarrassed.
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| Justin Bieber at the 2010 White House Easter Egg roll. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
Jay Leno
- Scientists in China say obesity may be caused by bacteria in your stomach. Three of the most common carriers of the bacteria are pizza, cheeseburgers, and doughnuts.
- Police in Brazil have apprehended a cat that has been traveling in and out of a men's prison with various escape tools, like saw blades and drill bits, taped to its body. The judge was pretty harsh. Today, the cat received nine life sentences.
- Lance Armstrong now says he may admit that he used performance enhancing drugs. I guess he realized he’s the only person in the world who still wasn’t sure about it
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