No, I am Batman

"Cops: Man in Batman costume, Captain America mask stole beer"

Diagnosed as ethically challenged, thirsty schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur

Skinny-crashing

"Man strips, drives pickup into Southwest plane in Nebraska"

Police acknowledge it was a hot night, but otherwise unsympathetic

Next year sold out

"Women bare breasts for gender equality on GoTopless Day"

Consensus among male spectators was overwhelmingly positive

Oh, Canada

"1,500 People on Inflatable Rafts Returned to U.S. From Canada"

Americans panicked when they heard false rumor Trump leading polls

Let me show you around

"Austrian collects 10 million beer bottle caps"

'It's not as much fun as you would think,' he admits

Not in the moo-ed

"Cops in Maine shoot, kill escaped slaughterhouse-bound cow"

Made a break for it when she heard no mooing on the other side

Feeling fizzy

"Police arrest 5 accused of stealing $4,700 in energy drinks"

'Let me tell you,' says cop, 'those guys weren't easy to catch'

Donald's no David

"Naked Donald Trump Statues Pop Up in Cities Across the U.S."

For many discriminating viewers, it finally reveals his best side

Bees, please

"Bees escape in Wal-Mart parking lot, sting several people"

Manager cautions shoppers to wait to unwrap their bees at home

Ho, ho, hoofs

"Alaska restaurant serving elk fined for calling it reindeer"

Santa's Bar & Grill featured popular "Blixen with all the fixin's"

News Update: Oedipus Rex

 

“Oregon man sentenced to prison for beheading mother's cat”

Psychologist says it's a textbook case with Oedipal ramifications

I wonder....

On the Interstate the other day I saw this sign, "If you die tonight will you go to Heaven or Hell?" I wonder if some people might enjoy, at least a little, thinking others will go to some kind of fiery hell for not believing the way they do.

News Update: Double burial

"NY may allow pet owners to be buried with their furry pals"

Family conundrum may arise when owner dies before the pet

News Update: Honeymoon for one

"Husband honeymoons alone after wife loses passport"

'It's one of those for better or worse moments for us,' he says

News Update: Good ol' mom

”Indiana mayor re-elected by 1 vote after ballot challenge”

‘Mother was wavering,’ mayor says, ‘but she came through again’

News Update: Reggae ukulele

"Ukulele player gets legal break to perform with reggae star"

Until decision, playing ukulele while smoking pot illegal in Jamaica

News Update: It's snot leaving

"Once labeled invasive, 'rock snot' algae now deemed native"

Environmental Protection Agency says snot's here to stay

News Update: Lawnmower DUI

"Police: Man accused of driving under influence on lawnmower"

'We jumped into action,' says chief, 'when he went for the neighbor lady's zinnias'

News Update: Going home

"Woman pleads guilty to robbery, says prison is like home"

Tough to beat three squares, like-minded roomy, cot and a pot

News Update: Not who but where

"Who Is the Secret Donor Randomly Leaving $100 Bills for Strangers?"

Yes, who is he? And not only who, but where is he right now?

News Updates

"New York City moves forward with plan for deer vasectomies"

Meanwhile, deer instinctively infer that NYC is too edgy for them

"Room of pot goes up in smoke in fire at home on High Street"

(No further ironic twist necessary)

News Updates

"Man out to see sunrise drifts miles away on piece of plywood"
Others find just standing on the shore a better frigging bet

"It's so hot in New York that manure is bursting into flames"
While in other parts of the country, it's turning into political comments