Jimmy Fallon
- Today is National Fortune Cookie Day. I was going to celebrate, but only the proud man makes a spectacle of that which is best left unspoken.
- This week, a man in Missouri reeled in a live grenade when he went fishing. Or as one fish put it, "That's for my brother."
Jimmy Kimmel
- A new poll claims that 58 percent of Americans believe Barack Obama would beat Mitt Romney in a fistfight. I didn't realize that was an option. Maybe we can wrap this election up tonight. Make it a pay-per-view event. We could wipe out the national debt in one night.
- I like the idea of a fistfight to pick the commander in chief. Finally, my dream of a President Mike Tyson could become a reality.
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| English: Cinnamon roll as produced by cinnabon (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
Conan
- McDonald's announced they're going to start posting for the first time ever the calorie count of their menu items. Not to be outdone, Cinnabon announced they will start announcing their death toll.
- A science experiment backfired and the school was evacuated in Texas. The experiment that backfired was trying to teach science in Texas.
- Hooter's restaurants are making an effort to bring in more female customers. They say they need to change the waitresses and the food. Other than that, they're fine.
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