By Tobin Barnes
I’ve always held women in high esteem.
Average man vs. average woman? No contest.
Women have always epitomized for me what’s right with the world. If anything, my problem’s been putting women too high up on a pedestal, and that’s not necessarily good. Heck, who wants to be an idealized statue?
But I’ve got to admit that my opinions have recently been shaken. And all it took to revise my decades-old way of thinking was an article in USA Today, titled “Who’s dirtier, men or women?”
Of course, on first notice of such an article, the no-brainer choice has got to be men. As we all have, I’ve encountered some dirty, smelly, disgusting men in my day. If this weren’t a family newspaper with high standards, I’d go into specifics. Nevertheless, dear reader, your own unappetizing encounters with certain males of even limited acquaintance will surely suffice for plenty of examples of my point.
And it’s not just bodily uncleanliness we’re talking about. Think of the pig sties men will live in if given their druthers, perhaps myself included during some of my more disorderly bachelor days.
All that being established, you’ve got to know, as I knew, that with a headline like “Who’s dirtier, men or women?” the shocking answer has got to be...women.
So how’s that possible, knowing the sexes as we do?
First off, according to a new research report, our office desks are busy blooming much more bacteria than the office lavatory. The article says that “the average office desktop has 400 times more bacteria than the average office toilet seat.”
That’s right, we’re slaving away in a cesspool, most assuredly of our own making. Secondly, women’s office cesspools are swarming with more unwanted life than men’s.
“Women have three to four times the number of bacteria in, on and around their desks, phones, computers, keyboards, drawers and personal items as men do,” the study by University of Arizona professor Charles Gerba showed. That’s information gleaned by Gerba’s analysis of 100 offices on the Arizona campus.
Like us, Gerba began his study with the assumption that men’s work spaces, unkempt hogs that we are, would be germier than women’s. And on the surface, women’s desks appear neater and cleaner, despite all the knick-knacks typical of feminine environs, but get out the microscope and there’s a minefield of contagious critters.
That’s because “women have more interactions with small children and keep food in their desks,” Gerba says. “The other problem is makeup.”
Evidently, cosmetics and lotions are “prime germ-transfer agents.” And “Makeup cases also make for fine germ homes, along with phones, purses and desk drawers.”
I guess it’s a good thing men prefer to present themselves au naturale. Seems we instinctively knew that all that primping wasn’t healthy.
And how about all that food squirreled away in the desk? Gerba discovered that 75% of women are quietly stashing munchies, a major source of bacterial growth.
“I was really surprised how much food there was in a woman’s desk,” he said. “If there’s ever a famine, that’s the first place I’ll look for food.”
On the other hand, a man’s bacteria magnet is his wallet. Oh yeah, it’s those bloated toads we’ve carried around for decades that once resembled fine grained leather. They’re busily housing the next great plague.
“It’s in your back pocket where it’s nice and warm, it’s a great incubator for bacteria,” Gerba says. That’s right. Our backsides are not only often unattractive, they are assiduously hatching our demise.
The solution? Gerba advises regular use of a hand sanitizer to mop up desk tops and adjacent surfaces. That’ll cut down the bacteria scourge by 25%.
Well, sounds good, I guess.
But you think men are going to be sanitizing much for only a 25% improvement? Not bloody likely when they’ll still probably be cleaner than the merry maid next desk over.
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