Good 'Late Night' Jokes

• Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn't win, that's going to be one heck of an election night party.
• Employees at Pepsi who smoke have to pay $50 a month more for health insurance because of their risk to their personal health. Even worse, employees who drink Pepsi have to pay $100 a month.
• According to a Gallup survey, the average American man now weighs 196 pounds. The average American woman weighs 160 pounds. That's up from 142 pounds just 11 years ago. You know what that means? Our fattest Americans have been eating the skinniest ones.--Jay Leno
• Pippa Middleton made the list of Barbara Walters’ Most Fascinating People. Who could be more fascinating than someone who's the sister of someone who married someone who's famous for just being born?
• Some people are objecting to Donald Trump being included in the list. Not me. I'm glad someone is finally giving Trump a forum so he can express himself and get some attention.
• Barbara has been doing these specials for a long time. The first time she hosted, the No. 1 most fascinating person was Socrates.--Craig Ferguson
• On the campaign trail, Ron Paul said he does not like his milk homogenized. After this, Rick Perry said, “I am also not a fan of gay milk.”
• Customers are complaining that Amazon’s new Kindle Fire is too hard to use if you have fat fingers. In response, Amazon released another version called the Kindle Deep Dish.--Conan
• Mitt Romney has called Newt Gingrich “zany.” If they are taking a good look at Newt, honestly, one word comes to mind and it's “zany?”
• Here's why American voters are turning to Ron Paul. A team of doctors has determined that Ron Paul is physically incapable of having a sex scandal.--David Letterman 
• Barbara Walters named her 10 most fascinating people of the year last night here on ABC. The list included the Kardashian family, Donald Trump, Simon Cowell and Katy Perry. Is that a list of the most fascinating people or a list of the reasons the terrorists hate us?
• In Sioux City, Iowa, there was another debate between the seven Republicans running for president. All your favorites were there: Grumpy, Dopey, the other Dopey, Romney, Bashful, another Dopey, and Happy.
• This was the 427th of 2,000 debates to be held between now and when President Obama is re-elected.
• There are so many debates. For a group of people who don't want the government interfering in our lives a lot, they interfere in our lives a lot.--Jimmy Kimmel