Good 'Late Night' Jokes
- The FDA is now warning people not to eat raw
cookie dough this holiday season. Is that how fat we're getting in this
country? Our ovens are too slow now?
- North Korea announced the passing of their
supreme leader, Kim Jong Il. His younger son will take over. At first,
there was speculation that power could pass to one of Kim’s two sisters,
Kourtney Jong Il or Khloe Jong Il.
- When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, "I never heard of him, but then again, I don't listen to that rap."
- During the debate the other night, Rick Perry
compared himself to Tim Tebow. You know what Rick and Tebow have in
common? Both their seasons will end before February.
- A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their
mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other hand,
men spend half their income on the wives when the wife finds out about
the mistress. So it all balances out.
- As they do every year, al-Qaida has threatened
to disrupt and ruin Christmas. You know, we already have a group that
disrupts and ruins Christmas every year. They're called relatives.--Jay Leno
- Newt Gingrich is demanding that judges be arrested. I thought, “Whoa, that's what two divorces will do for you.”--David Letterman
- Kim Jong Il, the crazy leader of North Korea who hate us, passed away
over the weekend. And get this — his 28-year-old son, Kim Jong Un is
taking over. It won’t be easy. He’s got some big women’s sunglasses to
fill.--Jimmy Fallon
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