Good 'Late Night' Jokes

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David Letterman:

• How about Mitt Romney? Now there's a guy who looks like you would see his picture on a package of men's briefs.
• Mitt Romney said that he enjoyed firing people. Way to connect with the middle class there, Mitt.

Craig Ferguson:

• The economy is so bad in Vegas, the Bellagio replaced the dancing waters with a fat guy holding a hose.
• Everyone is talking about the voice-control TV. It's TV that you control with your voice instead of the back-breaking work of pressing buttons on the remote.

Jimmy Fallon:

• Jewelry from the Titanic will be auctioned off here in New York to mark the Titanic’s 100th anniversary. Yeah, it’ll be weird when your wife’s like, “Honey, these earrings are beautiful, where’d you get them?” “Some dead woman who drowned!”
• There’s a TV where you change the channel by talking. I’m not sure it works. When I yelled “Crap!” during a football game, the TV put on “Jersey Shore.”
• New research shows that children who have good teachers end up earning more money as adults. While children who don’t have good teachers end up earning more money as cast members on “Jersey Shore.”

Jimmy Kimmel:

• Romney doesn't talk about it much but his great-grandfather in the 1800s moved his family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. And for the chimichangas. 
• Kate Gosselin is giving her fans a unique opportunity to join her on a cruise to the Caribbean. Being trapped at sea with Kate Gosselin and her kids doesn't sound like a vacation to me. It sounds like a punishment from a Greek myth.
• Tickets range from $1,900 to more than $3,000 per person. Or you can just go to Wal-Mart and listen to mothers yell at their children for free.

Jay Leno:

• According to National Enquirer, John Edwards has proposed to his mistress, Rielle Hunter. He gave three reasons for wanting to marry her: He loves her, she's the mother of his child, and of course, a wife can't testify against her husband. 
• You know the difference between Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Tim Tebow? When God tells Tim Tebow to run, he wins.
• Mitt Romney says he understands the middle class, and that he knows it's not easy keeping a roof over your family's heads — as well as vacation roofs in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Park City, Utah.
• China's state media has announced that it has successfully curbed what they called “excessive entertainment” on TV. Hey, big deal. We did that here at NBC 10 years ago. 
• The body that was found on Queen Elizabeth's estate in England has been identified, finally. See, it takes a lot longer to identify bodies in England, because as you know, there are no dental records.
• An intruder broke into Mike Tyson's hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get to him. I don't know what's scarier. Having someone breaking into your room while you're sleeping or breaking into someone else's room and finding out the guy is Mike Tyson.
• Cosmetic surgeons say that three years of recession have devastated the cosmetic surgery industry. A lot of people in Beverly Hills are now starting to get the feeling back in their faces.