Good 'Late Night' Jokes: Bieber and Oscars

Image via Wikipedia

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

• Happy Birthday to Justin Bieber, who turns 18 years old this week. You can tell he’s growing up because today he took down all his Justin Bieber posters.

Jay Leno

• It's leap day tomorrow. This is God's way of punishing us by making the election year even longer. 
• The new cast of "Dancing With the Stars" has been revealed. They're leaving one spot open for whoever loses on Super Tuesday next week.

Craig Ferguson

• Forty million people watched the Academy Awards last night. To give you an idea how many that is, take the number of people who saw "The Artist" and add 40 million.

David Letterman

• Today is the 100th anniversary of the Oreo cookie. For New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, it's a holy day.
• Ron Paul looks like the guy you see in the horse-racing movies on the back stretch with a stopwatch.
• Ron Paul announced earlier today his campaign is the only one that's entirely financed by moonshine.

Conan

• Last night "The Artist" won five Oscars. That works out to one Oscar for every person who saw the movie.
• Last night 82-year-old Christopher Plummer became the oldest actor to ever win an Academy Award. Of course, when the show started, he was only 79.
• As of today, Rick Santorum will be assigned Secret Service agents. This is the first time Santorum has agreed to use any kind of protection. 
• Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to the most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, "That's exactly the kind of misrepresentation I'd expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney."
• The CEO of Pizza Hut said that when he was in college, he used to bring his dates to Pizza Hut. When asked where he brought them on the second date, he said there were no second dates.
• In Louisiana a male chimpanzee named Conan is still getting female chimps pregnant despite the fact that he's already had two vasectomies. According to officials, this chimp is so masculine they've stopped calling him Conan.