David Letterman
- Mitt Romney has been the front-runner from day one but nobody likes Mitt Romney because he's not kooky enough.
- They're looking for somebody kookier so Rick Santorum is a pretty good choice. He does not believe in birth control. Does not believe in global warming. Does not believe in long-sleeve sweaters.
- The latest polls show Romney and Rick Santorum neck and neck. Not to be confused with Newt Gingrich, who is shown in the polls as chin to chin.
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| Best Actress Academy Award (Photo credit: cliff1066™) |
Craig Ferguson
- President Obama is trying to come up with a new campaign slogan that would replace "hope and change." He's thinking of going with "I am not Mitt Romney."
- There are rumors that Mitt Romney will ask Ron Paul to be his running mate. He was originally going to reach out to Rick Santorum. But Rick's not crazy about other dudes reaching out for him.
Jimmy Kimmel
- Oscar night is the magical night where we sit around in sweat pants and criticize the way famous women are dressed.
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