Good 'Top Ten': Academy Awards

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Top Ten Things You Shouldn't Say In An Academy Awards Acceptance Speech

10. "This is for you, Kim Jong-Il"
9. "I've had sex with every woman in this year's dead actor montage"
8. "Take that, 99-percenters!"
7. "I'd like to take this opportunity to endorse the next President of the United States, Rick Santorum"
6. "I owe it all to my creepy religious cult"
5. "My wife drives a couple of Cadillacs"
4. "Now I'd like to say a few words about Cool Ranch Doritos"
3. "I share this award with my drug-mule, Hector"
2. "I'd like to thank my sham wife for not revealing I'm gay"
1. "I'll be in the men's room, 'polishing my statuette'"