Pat Oliphant Cartoon: Infidels

Good 'Late Night' Jokes: Oh, What a Tragedy!

Jay Leno

• The Secret Service announced that agents will now be assigned chaperones on certain trips. What is that? I thought the Secret Service WAS the chaperone.
• Did you see who President Obama brought along with him to keep an eye on the Secret Service on his latest trip? Tim Tebow.



Newt Gingrich at a political conference in Orlando, Florida. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

• Legendary poker player Amarillo Slim has passed away at the age of 83. His friends were stunned. They thought he was bluffing.

David Letterman

• They're calling Newt the biggest gas bag to go down since the Hindenburg.

Pat Oliphant Cartoon: Mitt and the Latino Vote

Good Late Show "Top Ten": Dogs

Top Ten Programs On Dog TV
10. Neuter, She Wrote
9. Doogie Schnauzer, M.D.
8. America's Got Heartworm
7. How I Met Your Breeder
6. Bones
5. The King Charles Spaniel of Queens
4. Keeping Up With the Pomeranians
3. Who's a Good Boy? Starring Nathan Lane
2. Two Broke Bitches
1. Shih Tzu My Dad Says

Pat Oliphant Cartoon: Romney and the Dogs

Good New Yorker Cartoons: Nostalgia

Pat Oliphant Cartoon

Maureen Dowd on Ann Romney

Photo of Hilary Rosen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After the liberal strategist Hilary Rosen clumsily mocked Mitt Romney for relying on Ann to tell him what issues women care about when “his wife has actually never worked a day in her life,” Ann smashed that lob back.

Blasting out her first tweet, she said: “I made a choice to stay home and raise five boys. Believe me, it was hard work.”

Shaken Democrats dived for cover and threw Rosen under the campaign bus. The media, worried about being perceived as favoring President Obama, jumped in on the side of the maligned Ann.

She pressed her advantage, scolding Rosen on Fox News. “She should have come to my house when those five boys were causing so much trouble,” Ann said. She alluded to her brave battles against breast cancer and multiple sclerosis: “Look, I know what it’s like to struggle.”

But at a fund-raiser at a private home in Palm Beach, Fla., on Sunday, the night before her 63rd birthday, Ann made it clear that she wasn’t really aggrieved. She was feigning aggrievement to milk the moment.

“It was my early birthday present for someone to be critical of me as a mother, and that was really a defining moment, and I loved it,” a gleeful Ann told the backyard full of Florida fat cats, sounding “like a political tactician,” as Garrett Haake, the NBC reporter on the scene, put it.

It’s important when you act the martyr not to overplay your hand. If you admit out loud to a bunch of people — including Haake, who was on the sidewalk enterprisingly eavesdropping — that you’re just pretending to be offended, you risk looking phony, like your husband. (It also doesn’t fly to tell Diane Sawyer that your dog “loved” 12 hours in a crate on top of the car or that it’s “our turn” to be in the White House.)

Good Pat Oliphant Cartoons

Good New Yorker Cartoons: The Constitution

Good Pat Oliphant Cartoons: The One Percent and The Rominee

Maureen Dowd on The Supreme Court

United States Supreme Court building in Washington D.C., USA. Front facade. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How dare President Obama brush back the Supreme Court like that?

Has this former constitutional law instructor no respect for our venerable system of checks and balances?

Nah. And why should he?

This court, cosseted behind white marble pillars, out of reach of TV, accountable to no one once they give the last word, is well on its way to becoming one of the most divisive in modern American history.

It has squandered even the semi-illusion that it is the unbiased, honest guardian of the Constitution. It is run by hacks dressed up in black robes.

All the fancy diplomas of the conservative majority cannot disguise the fact that its reasoning on the most important decisions affecting Americans seems shaped more by a political handbook than a legal brief.

Good 'Late Night' Jokes: Mega Millions

Mega Millions logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

• There were three winning lotto tickets. I guess we're not sure who the three winners are yet. But when they do come forward, two things happen immediately. You get a call from the IRS asking for half. Then you get a call from your friends and relatives asking for the other half.
• Betty White has a new show on NBC called "Off Their Rockers" where senior citizens prank young people. It's kind of like what we're doing to them with Social Security. 
• The Supreme Court has ruled that anybody can be strip-searched for any kind of arrest. That's something to think about the next time you bring 12 items into a 10-item-or-less lane. 

Conan

• Three people have won the Mega Millions lottery. You know what that means — three more votes for Mitt Romney.

Jimmy Kimmel

• I always think it's funny that people wait in line for hours and hours when it's $640 million, but if it's a hundred million, it's not really worth it. None of the people in that line were winners in any sense of the word. They stood in line for nothing, wasting a whole day.

Jimmy Fallon

• Yesterday was April Fools' Day. Mitt Romney's staffers played a prank on him by staging a fake campaign event in an empty room — or as Newt Gingrich put it, "My staff has been playing that prank on me for six months."
• I read that the odds of winning the Mega Millions jackpot were only 1 in 176 million — or as most people put it, "Well, yeah. That's why I bought two."