Behind the Headline: Gift from God

"D.C. man orders TV from Amazon, gets assault rifle instead"

NRA says that a higher power was probably involved

Behind the Headline: Bearded Woman

 "San Diego police say they're seeking 400-pound bearded woman in stabbing of man"

'We should be able to find her,' detective says, 'but staging a lineup's going to be tricky'

Headline Observation: Hello, Darth

“Darth Vader is a real person in New York since super fan changes name”

But odds of galactic domination or even a long-term relationship haven't improved

Headline Observation: Balmy

“Lip balm containing pot ingredient thrown out at air base”

Nabbed when security saw passenger’s Cheeto-encrusted lips

Headline Observation: Festivus

“Florida man to display 'Festivus Pole' at Oklahoma Capitol”
‘Merry Christmas’ scolds vow to retaliate against the restivus