Headline Observation: eBay

“Pope's skull cap raises over 100,000 euros on eBay”

And thereby a solution to world hunger is discovered

Headline Observation: Skunks

“Skunk with head stuck in beer can rescued”
However, skunk rescues never really turn out well

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• Skunk with head stuck in beer can rescued in Ohio

Headline Observation: Hair

“Sheriff: Burned armpit hair led to Idaho car crash”

How armpit hair gets lit is essence of ‘What the…?’

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• Burned Armpit Hair Caused Idaho Car Crash

Headline Observation: Party

“Teen calls police to break up his own party”
Wild parties made for someone else’s house

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• Teen's Party Gets So Wild He Calls The Cops On Himself

Headline Observation: Wire-walking

“Daredevil: Wire-walking is 'the norm' for family”

Downside: It’s not a very large family

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• Daredevil Nik Wallenda walks across Grand Canyon on wire

Headline Observation: Implants

"Venezuela's breast implant shortage”
There’s crisis, and then there’s ‘Crisis!’

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• There's a breast implant shortage in Venezuela which does not bode well

Headline Observation: Marshmallows

“Surgery on ailing Great Dane yields 43 and one-half socks”
Distraught owner regrets feeding Rex marshmallows at camp out

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• Surgery on ailing Great Dane yields 43 ½ socks

Headline Observation: Lobsters

"Shopper arrested with live lobsters in shorts"
It was the third one made employees take notice

Headline Observation: Closet

"Sioux Falls man found hiding in closet arrested"
Evidently, proclaiming your sexuality no longer voluntary

Headline Observation: Clowns

"Clowns help fellow clown who crashed car into pole"
But aren't we all just a bunch of clowns riding in a clown car?