OFF THE WALL...

Saturday, August 13, 2016

"Husband honeymoons alone after wife loses passport"

'It's one of those for better or worse moments for us,' he says

”Indiana mayor re-elected by 1 vote after ballot challenge”

‘Mother was wavering,’ mayor says, ‘but she came through again’

"Ukulele player gets legal break to perform with reggae star"

Until decision, playing ukulele while smoking pot illegal in Jamaica

"Once labeled invasive, 'rock snot' algae now deemed native"

Environmental Protection Agency says snot's here to stay

"Police: Man accused of driving under influence on lawnmower"

'We jumped into action,' says chief, 'when he went for the neighbor lady's zinnias'

"Woman pleads guilty to robbery, says prison is like home"

Tough to beat three squares, like-minded roomy, cot and a pot

"Who Is the Secret Donor Randomly Leaving $100 Bills for Strangers?"

Yes, who is he? And not only who, but where is he right now?

"New York City moves forward with plan for deer vasectomies"

Meanwhile, deer instinctively infer that NYC is too edgy for them

"Room of pot goes up in smoke in fire at home on High Street"

(No further ironic twist necessary)

"Man out to see sunrise drifts miles away on piece of plywood"
Others find just standing on the shore a better frigging bet

"It's so hot in New York that manure is bursting into flames"
While in other parts of the country, it's turning into political comments

"Bear that walks like a human re-emerges in New Jersey"

Now out of luck with the Donald, Christie skulked back home