Thursday, August 7, 2014

Headline Observation: Lobsters

"Shopper arrested with live lobsters in shorts"
It was the third one made employees take notice

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Headline Observation: Closet

"Sioux Falls man found hiding in closet arrested"
Evidently, proclaiming your sexuality no longer voluntary

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Headline Observation: Clowns

"Clowns help fellow clown who crashed car into pole"
But aren't we all just a bunch of clowns riding in a clown car?

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Headline Observation: Punches

"Florida judge accused of punching attorney"
It was the realization of a dream shared by many

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Headline Observation: Aliens

"Pope Francis: I'd definitely baptize aliens if they asked"
Content of converts' confessions may be most interesting aspect

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Headline Observation: Evolution

“Ohio court OKs order that dad can't have more kids”
‘More of this guy,’ judge says, ‘would be insult to evolution’
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Monday, June 2, 2014

Headline Observation: Travel Industry

“The travel industry loves made-up words”
Like ‘Flying there is half the fun’
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Friday, May 30, 2014

The Borowitz Report: Scientists Consider New Name for Climate Change

borowitz-new-term-for-climate-change.jpg
NEW HAVEN (The Borowitz Report)—After a report from the Yale Center on Climate Change Communication showed that the term “climate change” elicits relatively little concern from the American public, leading scientists are recommending replacing it with a new term: “You will be burnt to a crisp and die.”
Other terms under consideration by the scientists include “your cities will be ravaged by tsunamis and floods” and “earth will be a fiery hellhole incapable of supporting human life.”
Scientists were generally supportive of the suggestions, with many favoring the term “your future will involve rowing a boat down a river of rotting corpses.”

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Headline Observation: Lobotomies

“China says Islamists seek to ban laughter and crying” 
For some, lobotomization may be true path to religious fulfillment 
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Thursday, May 29, 2014

Headline Observation: French Air

“In China, jar of French mountain air fetches $860” 
Downside: Buyer can’t open jar to enjoy or even prove it 
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