OFF THE WALL...

Thursday, December 31, 2015

"D.C. man orders TV from Amazon, gets assault rifle instead"

NRA says that a higher power was probably involved

"San Diego police say they're seeking 400-pound bearded woman in stabbing of man"

'We should be able to find her,' detective says, 'but staging a lineup's going to be tricky'

“Darth Vader is a real person in New York since super fan changes name”

But odds of galactic domination or even a long-term relationship haven't improved

“Lip balm containing pot ingredient thrown out at air base”

Nabbed when security saw passenger’s Cheeto-encrusted lips

“Florida man to display 'Festivus Pole' at Oklahoma Capitol”
‘Merry Christmas’ scolds vow to retaliate against the restivus

“Indianapolis airport debuts customer service robot”

Finally decides to catch up with the rest of the country

“Police: Drunken Santa zombie enters St. Paul home”

‘It was wrong on so many levels,’ says police chief

“Michigan funeral home provides drive-thru option”

Honk if you felt a particular fondness for the deceased

“NY court hears arguments that chimps have rights”
Chumps, on other hand, have been, still are, fair game

“Woman says she dug up dead dad seeking 'real will'”
Story qualifies as greedy, creepy and stupid, all at once