Good 'Late Night' Jokes: Ron Paul, Newt and Batman

Jimmy Fallon

• Ron Paul said it’s still too early to count him out as the Republican nominee. Seriously? That’s like Newt Gingrich saying it’s too early to count him out as an Abercrombie model. 






• This week a man wearing a Batman costume was pulled over while driving a Lamborghini. I think the real story here is that a grown man who owns a Batman costume can actually afford a Lamborghini.

Jimmy Kimmel

• The International Olympic Committee decided that at the Summer Games in London this year, female beach volleyball players will no longer be required to wear bikinis. This is the saddest day in volleyball since Tom Hanks let Wilson float away. 
• Newt Gingrich is hoping to cut into his campaign debt by charging people $50 to take a photo with him. Just imagine — a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get a personal picture with a man who will never be the president of the United States.

David Letterman

• They're so excited to see the Pope in Cuba. They raised a lot of money and bought him a brand-new 1955 Chrysler.
• Over the weekend they gave Dick Cheney a heart transplant. Finally all of those midnight trips to the graveyard with the hunchbacked assistant have paid off.
• Dick Cheney was talking to a reporter right after the surgery and he said he wants to live long enough to make sure nobody else gets healthcare.

Conan

• A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashes than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles an hour.
• Newt Gingrich's campaign is charging people $50 to pose for a picture with Newt. And for $100 you can get one without Newt.
• The Supreme Court is deciding right now whether the government can mandate that all Americans buy health insurance. Rick Santorum said, "There's no way I'm letting the government make me go on a man date."
• In Germany, a court has ruled that German police are allowed to racially profile citizens. But don't worry. It's Germany, so things shouldn't get out of hand.

Jay Leno

• The Pope visited Cuba yesterday and witnessed a miracle. Fidel Castro is still breathing.