Good 'Late Night' Jokes
- Rick Perry said there were eight Supreme Court justices instead of nine.
But, in his defense, he did know there were only three judges on
"Dancing With the Stars."
- In Hawaii this weekend, someone stole Lindsay Lohan’s purse with
$10,000 in it. This was the second time the purse was stolen if you
count the first time Lindsay grabbed it, you know.
- Luckily, she got the purse back, but the
$10,000 was missing. It turns out the guy who stole it needed the money
to pay off a bet with Mitt Romney.--Jay Leno
- According to a new survey, some people are waiting until after
Christmas to do their holiday shopping. Yeah, these people are known as
men.
- Newt Gingrich released a statement promising
he would not cheat on his wife. Even better, he said he wouldn't cheat
on his next wife either, or the one after that. --Conan
- Lindsay Lohan had her purse stolen. She's missing cash, passports, and three stolen necklaces.
- Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab so many times the cafeteria named a sandwich after her.
- A woman was making meth in a Wal-Mart. But you know, it's nice to know that something in Wal-Mart is made in America.
- Ron Paul looks like one of your old relatives. The guy that keeps sending you the blank emails. --David Letterman
- Donald Trump announced this morning that he will not serve as
moderator at the GOP debate that was scheduled for Dec. 27. He said he
had to cancel the debate because he may want to run as an independent
candidate — and because only two of the GOP candidates decided to show
up.
- This guy is something. He's committed to the
debate, he's not committed; he's running, he's not running; he's in,
he's out. What does he think this is, one of his marriages? --Jimmy Kimmel
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