Jay Leno:
- A man who calls himself the grand warlock of Mexico has predicted that President Obama will not win re-election. The grand warlock's real name? Juan Hannity.
- A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver.
David Letterman:
- Dunkin' Donuts is doubling the amount of locations in the United States. Remember when this country used to make steel and automobiles and now it's crullers, jelly doughnuts, and munchkins?
- On “Celebrity Apprentice” they announced new contestants. We have a former talk show host, a former “American Idol” loser, a former Miss Michigan, a Las Vegas magician and — oh no, I'm sorry, that is the Republican candidates for president.
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