Thursday, September 19, 2013

GOOD LATE NIGHT: Jaguars and Donuts

Jacksonville Jaguars logo
Jacksonville Jaguars logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Jay Leno
  • The face value of tickets to this year's Super Bowl will be as high as $2,600. So that's what it will cost the Jacksonville Jaguars if they want to go to the Super Bowl — $2,600.
  • Cher has turned down an invitation to sing at the 2014 Olympics in Russia because of Russia's anti-gay laws. Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert.
Conan
  • Starbucks announced they don't want customers bringing guns into their stores. Meanwhile, Dunkin' Donuts said there is nothing you can bring in here that's more dangerous than what we serve.
  • It turns out that a man who had been struggling with unexplained drunkenness actually had microbes in his stomach that produced alcohol that made him drunk. I don't have a joke for this, but I just want to let everyone know that this excuse does exist, seriously.
Jimmy Kimmel
  • Researchers at Ohio State say the number of pedestrians who have been injured while using smartphones while walking has more than doubled since 2005. They also confirmed that those injuries are hilarious to watch.
Jimmy Fallon
  • North Korea says it's ready to resume nuclear talks with the U.S. for the first time in five years. But President Obama said it's going to be pretty awkward — not talking to North Korea, but having to thank Dennis Rodman.
  • Let’s see what else is going on in Washington. Senate leaders Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell admitted they have no Plan B if the House doesn’t avoid a government shutdown. Of course this raised a lot of questions, like, "Since when did they have a Plan A?"
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